Empty Voices
by Echoless Dreamer
Summary: It was long ago, long enough, at least. A mute investigator by the code name Amethyst began causing problems just by being in the situations she was. She dug around in places where she did not belong, and that brought her to him. To L. He was fascinated by her, but not in a loving way at all. Yet, in the midst of her rise to glory, she found something she wasn't searching for. Him.
1. Prologue: Present

Prologue:

*The present*

Her once-beautiful, angular face was now hollowing with age. She wasn't even that old, not yet, but the sickness was catching up to her. In her earlier days, she would have caught the eye of everyone in the crowd, but now, with her enormous blue hoodie and covering shielding her from view, she went unnoticed. Unloved. Uncaring. Even now, in this mass of strangers all clumped together, staring up in awe at the Gothic black N flashing across every jumbo-tron in the city, no one noticed she was there.

But she did notice who was there. Every policeman and woman, every single person who could get outside, everyone was watching. Everyone was listening as a voice began to speak, slowly at first, but calmly all the same. It was younger than she would have thought, but she listened intently.

"This is a message being broadcasted out all over the world as I speak." The disembodied voice had been riddled with effects to make sure no one can find out the true speaker. Smart, she thought.

"I am coming to you now to inform you that Kira, the mass murderer, is dead." There were murmurs in the crowd, and she stepped inwards, closer to the screen, closer to the N.

"Many of my own colleagues fell victim to him, including L. You may have believed he was still alive, but I am here to tell you he is dead. He has been for six years." She felt as if her heart had stopped beating beneath her skin. Could he really be dead? No…he couldn't. Voices from the crowd rose in both anguish and anger. She ignored them and took another step forwards on the sidewalk, tilting her chin up even further to see this.

"I, I am L's successor. I am N. The identity of Kira will remain a secret, however, if the killings continue we will assume that his power is still alive, grieving its lost master. If anything unusual happens, please contact one of the following email addresses." Hundreds of names flashed across the screen. She didn't even read a single one.

"My team and I will be checking these daily from hundreds of different computers to avoid being tracked. These are set up only for information regarding mass murder and any other seriousness of this sort. If we find out that you have been feeding us false information, you will find yourself dead within the hour." People were writing down the names on the screen, calling numbers, asking questions. She slowly pulled her hood down to reveal her pale face and flowing hair. A kaleidoscope of colors for hair, but a lonely call to those around her. No one paid the woman at the front any mind. No one at all.

"I wish to thank the world for its cooperation and time in this case. While L discovered much, I was able to finish his work and apprehend Kira. Unfortunately, he was not so cooperative. Anyone else who wishes to act the same way will be punished. Kira's power is not to be reckoned with. It will drive anyone to the brink of madness. I wish you all a safe day, and good luck out there in the open now that Kira is no longer protecting you. As for criminals, I hope you enjoy the rest of your lives rotting away. This world has reached an unfortunate state. Goodbye for now." Then the screen flashed off and people in the streets screamed and yelled. Joyous and jubilant, then the anger and despair. Kira was dead and they were relieved, yet terrified.

She reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a phone. Pale gray and buzzing as she opened it. She took a deep breath and spoke in a soft crackling voice.

"Did you see it?" She did her best not to break down coughing. The voice on the other end responded just as slowly.

"I did. L is really dead, then?" A soft pain fluttered in her mind. L was dead, but he didn't feel dead to her.

"N said he was." The voice did not respond for a moment.

"Do you really think that N is him? Nate?" Her lip quivered. He had to be. N had to be. She had no other options anymore.

"I'm over eighty percent positive. I have no other choices, Eureka. I just can't keep praying anymore. I'm dying." A disheartened sigh followed her words.

"I know, Am. A mother's dying wish is always to see her child again." A cold wave flooded through her body.

"I just need to know, alright? If L is still alive, then I have to see him too. He could have faked his death, he could have….done…something…..L is smart enough to get out of any situation, he wouldn't just…..let himself die…" Her breath came in short bursts, barely able to fill her lungs.

"Am, take a deep breath. It will be okay. I'll help you find him, okay? Deep breath, and I'll meet you just outside of Tokyo, okay? Breathe." She took the advice from the voice on the other end. Several deep breaths followed by a calm exhale.

"I can handle myself perfectly well, you know? I'm not dead yet." There was no immediate response.

"Alright, but still. You'll need back up and I'm the only one of us who knows how to find them. I'm tracking the source of the video feed as we speak." Her eyes started watering, both from happiness and her own fears.

"Eureka, you're the best, you know?" A small laugh came through enough so she could hear it.

"Yeah, Amethyst. I know that perfectly well. I'll call you back later, this is making it difficult to track." And with that, the line went dead before she could even say goodbye. She folded the phone back and slid it into her pocket. The streets were more crowded than ever, but all she could think to do was pull her hood back over her head and retreat to the alley ways. The second she was alone, she whispered out into what she was sure was empty air.

"I'll find you, I promise.'' It was a quiet wish, a soft and lonely dream. But it was all she had anymore, as she ducked into the darkness where she had reveled for so long.


	2. Chapter 1: Past

Author's Note:  
A little side note, everything in both ' ' marks and italics is sign language. Thank yous, also if you happen to actually read this, please leave a review! :)  
~Echo

* * *

**Then, The Past**:

"Code names are so irritating. Why can't I just use my real name?" She flicked a chip off the checkerboard at me, and I ducked instinctively. I rolled my eyes and placed the red piece back onto its place. I leaned back in my chair, slowly giving her an opportunity to flick one of my pieces off the board.

_'Wow that is certainly helpful to you losing this game.' _She laughed at my facial expression. Like she doesn't truly think it's all important. I envied her. I always did.

"I'm serious, Am, I just don't understand why we can't use our legal names." I raised my eyebrow, showing her that I didn't understand it either.

_'Look, if we want to keep this organization alive, we need code names. Mine is Amethyst. Why can't you pick something already?' _I jump a few of her pieces on the board and stack them up next to my coaster. My cup was empty, so I moved it off the mat and made a tiny pyramid out of the red checker pieces. She only has two pieces left. One is a king already, and the other she hasn't even touched.

"Well, you're name is cool. It's for healing and purity and stuff like that, I don't know gem stones like you do. I want something really interesting. Weird, maybe." She moved her king backwards towards where it started and drummed her fingers on the coffee table.

_'How about Ruby? You like rubies.'_ She twirled a lock of blonde hair and shook her head.

"Nah….too…much like yours. I want to be called Eureka. Because….yeah." I paused a moment and then continued to jump her remaining pieces. She beat her fist down on the table. "No fair, you cheat." I laughed and then shook my head.

_'Sorry Eva. You are just utterly horrible at this.' _She pouted, resenting my nickname for her. I laughed a little bit at her.

"Gee, thanks Am. Anyways, I think I'm going with Eureka. It sounds really cool." I nodded, swiping all the pieces off of the board. My friend cocked her head to the left, probably confused that I kept making castles out of checkers.

_'All right, Eureka. I actually like that a lot. Eureka, Amethyst, and Nicola. The best investigation team to ever live.'_ She smiled, grabbing a black piece and tossing it like a quarter.

"I wouldn't go that far, but you're on to something there. Speaking of Nicky, where is she?" I shrugged. I never really knew.

Evaleen always lost against me in checkers, and yet, every day she insisted that we play because eventually she'll win. I've even tried to lose and it just doesn't work. But we just sat around and drank chai tea, waiting for the other to start some sort of conversation, and with everything that goes on during the day, it's nice to talk to my friends every now and then. Even though it's pointless to try and play checkers with Evaleen.  
I've been mute since before I knew her, and she only recently learned sign language. Before it was just the letters and I had to spell everything out for her. Now, it saves time. Time which we use to play checkers. It was sad, really, our obsession with the game. But it was nice to relax every now and again.

Evaleen was the muscle in our group, I was the brains, and Nicolette was the face. We all had our part to play, and all had our own personas. I was Amethyst; the mute investigator who did her work from the darkness and worked with criminals. Evaleen was then Eureka; the muscle of the operation who tortured suspects and made sure the world was aware of the girl on the motorbike. Nicolette was Nicola; the pretty face who made alliances and handled the basic operations in the agency. It wasn't that difficult to keep our own alliance a secret. Considering some secrets tend to stay hidden.

Eureka, an interesting name, I decided. She squinted at me from across the copy table, trying to figure out why I was lost in thought again.

"What are we going to do about him?" I froze upon her words.

_'Absolutely nothing. He might be trailing us, but at least he does not know my real name. I am practically an urban legend. We have nothing to fear from L.' _I signed my words very calmly, nostrils flared, trying not to let the anger slip. I should have been afraid, but I was not. Eureka, as she now was, did not know what I had to fear. If L could catch me that would mean everyone I ever double crossed would be able to. And that was not something I wanted. I let out a sigh and slumped down in my chair.

"S'wrong, Amethyst?'' She tilted her head again, flashing a concerned look across her face, but it quickly vanished, her normal toothy smile replacing it once more.

_'Sorry, Eura. I am just a little bit blue, I suppose you could say.' _She snickered at me.

"You're more than blue, you know?" She twirled a strand of her own blonde hair. This was about my hair again, wasn't it? It was.

_'Ha ha ha, Amethyst has colorful hair, I get it. It is much better than being a blonde, at least people assume I am intelligent.' _Eureka yawned, showing off her boredom and snatched the checkerboard off the table.

"Have fun, Rainbow Amethyst, I'm gonna go make more chai tea." Rainbow. My hair wasn't a rainbow…..more of a paint splatter…no…rainbow was closer.

_'Do whatever you want.' _I signed, but she had already left the room. I let out a sigh again and folded my arms. I should have considered her words more carefully. Why would she bring up the situation with L? This tracking thing had been going on for over a month now, and no one had mentioned it at all. No one at the agency, not Nicola, not Eureka, and now she brought it up. Did he manage to find Eureka? Did he manage to find me? Am I still safe at all? Those were the questions flashing through my mind.

No. If he had found me I would have known from the very beginning. Something would have been off. Like Eureka winning at checkers. That would have tipped me off. But nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Everything was calm, and everything was alright. And Eureka was making more chai tea.

_Let me have this moment, L. Because I will find you first. _


	3. Chapter 2: Past

Author's Note:  
Only thing I really have to say is; Amethyst has odd dreams. If you happen to read this, please leave a review! :)  
~Echo

* * *

**The Past:**

_Let it come, let it all fall apart. His lips on mine and the sweet scent of forever lingering between us. But why couldn't I open my eyes? I didn't know. I just kept my arms wrapped around him, my back pressed against the rocks, with nowhere else to go. Not like I wanted to go anywhere but here, to be with anyone but him. But his touch was new to me, gracefully moving across every inch of my skin, tracing the lines of my hips. The love that burned like fire, but was sweet like nectar. It was all new then. The cold exterior of the stones compressed into my bare back, but everything seemed right to me. Everything made sense. Whoever I was at that moment, I didn't use to be. The same with him. Whatever it was.  
Our souls were one, our minds the same, but yet I could not see him. He was here, yet he wasn't. Where did he go? My body crumpled down onto the bank of the rushing waters. Lonely, longing. Did he not want me at all? His hands touched my shoulder, and I looked up once more, pleading to see his eyes.  
And then in a moment, it all changed. I was torn away from him, reaching, screaming, crying, and lastly begging to let the darkness give me him. I wanted to take him with me. Him and his shadowed face, dark eyes and hair. The one who I loved and needed at that moment. But the endless whirlpool of imminent lies and loss sucked me in and I couldn't fight back. And his fingers touched mine one last time, and then our connections broke.  
I was tossed, dropped, left there on the ground beneath the waves. My entire world was glass, but his kisses still remained on my lips and neck. His warmth was still with me in all of the silence and loss. My body, naked and drowning in my own subconscious sorrows, was worthless to everyone but him. Beneath the waters, beneath the stones, beneath the world, and beneath his feet, I am utterly nonexistent. I closed my eyes. And allowed myself to let him go. Then I could fade away into legend, sink into the dirt and grime beneath the earth, never to be found again.  
Goodbye, I mouthed. I closed my eyes._

I woke up, shaking, reaching across the edge of my bed, groping for the lamp light. It flickered on the second I pressed the button. My fingertips had begun to turn blue, my arms a swollen purple-red. Why was I so cold? I shuddered, curling around myself and trying to remain warm. The ice in my veins never went away that easily.  
The dream.  
The dream.  
The same one again. It isn't a nightmare, but it isn't a good dream. But I never forgot it. I never did. It was something you just couldn't forget. That much sorrow and that much passion just didn't vanish from your mind. It just didn't. But the shadowed boy, I never saw. His form, his body, I could see. But not his eyes. Those had always remained hidden from me, just outside my vision. Who was he supposed to be anyways?  
My phone buzzed on the bed side table. I leaned over and flipped the gray cover open. A text from Eureka.

**Hi, Am. You awake? –Eura **

My eyes darted over to the clock and paused. It wasn't even two in the morning yet. Should I respond? I typed in a quick response.

**Yes, unfortunately. I can't sleep. –Am **

I let out a sigh and flopped back down into a curled position. The blue cold had all but faded into my skin, back into my mind. This was odd, even for me. The cold of the water in my dream always stayed in my dream. But not this time.  
My phone buzzed again.

**Your dream? Try and let it go. See you tomorrow, we're still on for checkers, right? –Eura **

I felt myself smile, but did my best to shut both my phone and my eyes. The night wrapped its arms around me once, but falling back into it was always harder. I just couldn't sleep. Pausing, I looked up into the blank ceiling, trying to image what the sky looked like tonight, but all I saw was beige that reflected down upon me, where I was wrapped in ivory sheets, sheltered from reality and fantasy. Odd. Were the stars even out? No, not quite yet, I decided.

The dream had always shaken me, and even then it was no different. Only this time, I managed to force myself to close my eyes again, and pray that when I finally awoke from this endless nightmare of illusions, I might happen to be in his arms again. By the river and the stones of dark amber. In the water where the cold did not matter since we had one another.

_This is pointless, I should only be thinking about the situation I'm in. Not some hopeless romantic dream that ends in death. No. I should only be thinking about what I'm supposed to do next. How do I protect myself from L?_ With those final thoughts, I closed my eyes and forced my way into the darkest area of sleep.


	4. Chapter 3: Past

**Then:**

My hair was an absolute mess of colors. It had been from the day it decided to start growing. It wasn't entirely my fault, but it felt as if it was. Always brushing it into place, always fixing the clumps that didn't listen to me at all. There were teal shades, red shades, all forms of gold, black and silver. There were strands of white and pink, there were clumps of blue and purple. But there was yellow and brown that didn't match anything but the green clumps of hair that made me look like a dragon.  
Hair is an unnatural creature that always stays and feeds off of you. It would have been much better if all people were bald. It was five in the morning, and I stood in front of my mirror, brushing my thick, multicolored hair. It wasn't like highlights, no. I was far too special for that. When my mother had been pregnant with me, she had fallen ill and as a result, I wound up with a genetic mutation that caused abnormal pigmentation of the hair. At least, that's what I always went with. This look was natural, this rainbow type of thing, that was also so unnatural that it didn't make any sense.

That was always a mouthful to explain to people, but since I couldn't speak I should have called it something else. My hair was like the end of a painters brush, long and thick, but beautiful in color. Vibrant in beauty, and I always stood out no matter what. I couldn't control it. If only I had learned to conceal it, since it would always lead to my downfall. Every time I stepped outside, people recognized me, I could see that much in their eyes.

Since beneath where I stood, the pavement was wet with blood and the body before me was barely breathing and dark eyes from across the alley beat into my soul like knives had been thrown upon me. This body had been beaten by me, but he was a suspect. It didn't matter, this person didn't matter. But to the person across the alleyway, I was the suspect, and he was the interrogator. I never thought that he'd find me like this, clutching a pocket knife in one hand, fingers stained in crimson blood, with a criminal at my feet who was bleeding from the throat onto the ground, staining it with impurity. I was frozen on the spot, afraid of what was happening, but then he stepped down into the pale light of shadows and I could finally see him.

His hair was black, almost darker than a raven's feather, but spiky and gravity-defying. His eyes were hollow, empty, but also curious with pupils much too large to belong to him. Their color was a dark brown, so dark that it was near impossible to see, yet it was only a thin ring outside of the darkened center of his eyes. The skin that showed was pale, an ivory color that looked near translucent. But his build was odd, with his back slightly hunched, and his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, which were too big for him. He didn't seem to mind this at all, what with the plain white shirt he wore that was also to large. That made his skin look darker, but it was still a pale pastel-like appearance. His posture read "why even bother?" but his eyes told me that he would kill me in a split second. Just as he had watched me kill this man at my feet.

I stood my ground, but he stepped towards me, revealing his feet. He kept his gaze glued on me, walking around and pausing to take in how I looked. He kicked the body over, staring at how the man had died. A slit up the throat. He went mute and tried to speak, but bled out. I'd done this to enough people to know he wouldn't talk and would die before saying anything at all. I turned to see what he was looking at, and jumped. The boy with dark hair was only a few inches away from me, studying my hair and face. He smiled a demon's smile.

"Hello, Amethyst." I took in a deep breath. It took him a week to find me. One week. Eureka….did he have her too? Nicola was off on another case, she would be fine. She had to be fine. I didn't even move to sign a response, I simply gripped the red handle of my knife, stained with rubicund blood, until my knuckles had turned white out of fear.

"What's wrong? Afraid of me?" He moved backwards, stepping around the dead man, stepping towards me. I didn't move. Internally, I was wondering how he found me, but I knew. My hair was always a dead giveaway. No matter how many aliases I had, the hair was always my downfall.

"This man was a suspect, wasn't he? Interesting, but I think you overlooked something. This is the third person you've killed this week, all connected to this case. That points an arrow directly at you or your friend, Eureka, was it? You aren't very good at hiding, are you?" I remained still as he waited for a reply. His head was cocked, waiting for me to speak, but I gave him little more than silence. Finally, I signed an answer.

_'I think I've managed alright, considering it took you this long to find me.' _I saw his eyes widen, and I knew I had gained a point in my favor. Mute detectives always win.

"You can't speak…" He trailed off. Something about him was off, he had never been told I was mute. Usually, that was one of the first details about me, second only to the multicolored hair. I blinked several times, to show that I could at least hear. He took in a deep breath himself and muttered something that sounded like; "This was something I did not consider…."

_'If you need, I can spell out my words like this, or get a translator.' _I signed when his gaze came back over to res on me. He only shook his head.

"I appreciate the offer, but that won't be necessary. I understand sign language perfectly well." Then came the demon's smile again, and I shuddered involuntarily.

_'Why have you been following me?'_ I folded the pocket knife back into its original form, shaking off any last bits of now-dried blood, signing words with my other hand. Spelling carefully. He waited until I had finished before giving me any sort of answer.

"There are a number of reasons. But I'll just cut to the chase. I am L, and I want you on my side. I want you and your people to wait for my command, I want you to listen to my orders and investigate for me. You will do exactly what you do now, only I will decide when and why." He took his right hand out of his pocket lazily, still watching me intently. I felt my nostrils flare, my blood boiling with some sort of disgust.

_'And if I say no? Tell me what will happen then.' _This was not fear I asked out of. It was not anger. It was mere curiosity, and a slight irritation at his high demand.

"Then you will find your friends imprisoned for life, and yourself dead. You make the call, Amethyst." I should have thought it over twice, but instead I went with the best choice. I knew how L operated, he trusted few and remained in the shadows, and I was impressed by him. The only reason I knew it was him was because I had been tracking him as well. He might not have known it, but I knew his name, and I knew his face. If he wanted safety, he would need me.

_'Fine. I will do as you say, but only if it is in my own best interests.' _He nodded respectfully at this, still keeping focused on me, his eyes never blinking, his gaze never faltering.

"Understood." He held out his hand, waiting for me again. "Do we have a deal, then?" I reached out, reluctantly, and shook his hand. There wasn't even a smile that came from his this time, only a look that reminded me of something much darker. He released me and turned away, walking down into the alley, further into the shadows, then finally reaching out into the sunlit streets until all I could see of the one they called L was a lonely shadow that held nothing but my own demise.


	5. Chapter 4: Past

**Then: **

I waited, forevermore it seemed, for their shouting to stop. If they had known I was there, they would have quit by now, but they kept at it. Always at each other's throats. Always fighting a battle, turning it into a war of words and claws sharper than any knife we had ever sharpened. Eureka led her side of the fight without any effort. The words came easily to her, all she had to do was spit them out and they came fluently and swiftly, always a comeback, always getting herself out of situations. Brandon was another story.

In the beginning of our group, there was only me and Eureka. Nicola wanted nothing to do with us for a while. She was younger. She was more independent. But I wasn't about to waltz into the secrets of the world and expect to come out alive. I was smart enough to dodge the bullets, I was silent enough to keep the peace. But I was not strong enough to fight the war. That's where Eureka came in. We had always been friends, and I trusted her with my life. I taught her sign language, and she taught me the weak points of a human spine. If she had never been involved in all this, Eureka would have made a brilliant doctor. And I might have been someone else as well. But we were in this together from the very beginning. Not Brandon.  
Brandon was the newest in our group, a strong muscular, amber-eyed boy with a shorter fuse than a stick of dynamite. He was often angered, he couldn't hold it in at all. But he did his best. Brandon was not the smartest, but he was strong. Strong enough to fight Eureka on a daily basis and still make it out alive at the end of it. He was sensitive sometimes, and then the next you'd see him strangling someone until their face had turned an unpleasant shade of violet rose. He could have been a better investigator, but he was violent, and we couldn't have that. So he was part of our strength. He captured suspects, he brought them to us. Brandon was not the type to do any more than hurt people. It was just in his nature.

They were fighting about me, again. Eureka was convinced I was fine, but Brandon kept insisting that I was going to die soon. It was never about the investigations, it was about my own safety, what they fought over. Eureka may have been cold around others, but she was my friend. Brandon. I didn't know why he cared, except for the fact that I was his leader, and when it all came down to it, it was my name that was written on his weekly paycheck. The only reason he really stayed was for his percentage of money from the investigations. That much, I would never be able to fix.

Eureka knew something was bothering me, and she knew it the second I got to headquarters. She always knew. But telling everyone that I was alright was easier than dealing with my problems. They kept on yelling at each other. I stood behind the doorway, listening far too intently, doing my best to ignore, but in reality I couldn't ignore it.

"So what if we're being followed? Anyone in the whole country could find Amethyst! Let it go you bastard, she wants to be left alone!" Eureka's voice never faltered, she was always confident.

"I'm telling you that something happened out there today. She always comes back with a vile of blood, a sheet of information and a smile on her face. That didn't happen. Something's up that you aren't telling me." Brandon's voice was much deeper than I recalled, but I never really listened to him that well anyways.

"You aren't a part of this team! You're an asshole who's here for the money. So get the fuck out of here before I break your neck! Amethyst may want you here, but that doesn't mean I do." If I could see what was going on, I would be able to understand why they were fighting. But it was always the same thing. Brandon asked a stupid question, a question that he shouldn't ask, and Eureka got upset because he was asking for private information. Why should he care if we're in trouble? Because then the steady flow of income stops. We're valuable to him, just because of who we are.  
I stood behind the door, waiting for his response.

"If Amethyst wants me here, then you shut your mouth. You may be my superior, but you don't have to be a bitch about it." I heard a growl, followed by the sound of a body hitting the ground. Time to open the door, I decided. But I didn't move. There was nothing in this fight that would benefit me. Nothing at all. Best to let them do what they wanted.


	6. Chapter 5: Past

**Then:**

I kept my arms folded, staring down at the floor, not even bothering to respond. I sat on the couch, hunched down, keeping the warmth of myself inside my soul. I could hear their voices, I could hear all three. I could have responded, because I had never wanted to be deaf more than I had at that moment. Everything was just too much, there was so much fear inside of me.

I believed, and I still believe that there is only so much fear a body can hold before it gives up on life. The soul's strength had nothing to do with it. Nothing can ever change the facts, and that was why humans died. I thought that meeting L would immediately bring my own death. In that alleyway, his eyes were so empty, so cold, and his smile was much to untrusting for me to understand. Meeting the one who called himself L, it was torture, but it was so stimulating. His voice was just so different than I had imagined, his mannerisms, his posture, and the way he moved and talked. It was just not how I pictured in my head. In my mind, L was not quite L, at least not as I saw him. He was a child, he couldn't have been older than me, but he was old in his mind and I could have seen that much. He didn't care.

Tuning back in to my comrades concerned shouting, I glanced towards them, eyes heaving, and heart dying. Brandon and his tawny eyes, Eureka and her scowl that held grief for me, and Nicola's gaze that said she wanted all of our safety. But we were not safe, not now, not ever.

"Amethyst, please. Tell us what happened." Nicola's eyes have always been innocent. She leaned forward, trying to get me to do something, but all I did was look away and sign a few words.

_'You know very well it's impossible for me to tell you anything.' _Eureka snickered, and that made me smile, but I didn't allow that to change anything. Nicola hung her head, black hair spilling down. I didn't understand why she was so upset about it. I was the one who had been confronted. I was the one in danger. She was the safe one, he hadn't even mentioned her. He probably knew she worked under me, the way the others all did, but it wasn't quite like that anymore.

"Please, Am…at least…say something…..you know what I meant….sometimes I forget..." Her attempts were only making her failure at a conversation artist more apparent, as well as her failure at a sympathetic friend.

"Amethyst, you could at least try to explain what happened." Brandon's turn to try. Just a moment ago he had fought Eureka and lost, his eye was slowly turning a blackened shade from where she had hit him. But he was still standing, still trying to figure something out while my blonde friend kept her own arms folded and her own eyes averted.

_'But, alas, there is nothing for me to tell.' _I signed it with a sigh and a half smile. They made it far too easy to lie to, but it was what I did best. Nicola would not accept my answer, and something on her face told me that she didn't believe me, but she spoke no more.

"If you want me to ask her, I might get an answer I won't tell you." Eureka, finally coming to save my skin. It had taken her a while to come up with something, but in shorter time than normally. I was grateful, but I couldn't show it on my face. Brandon and Nicola did not look pleased at all by this, but they never objected when Eureka wanted to take charge of the situation. That was usually my job to get in the way, not theirs. They trailed away, moving out of the room, but I knew they were just outside the other door, going to listen in again. They weren't very good at hiding from me, and as I stared at the empty door frame, I wondered if they know I could see their shadows crossing in a pattern on the floor. Eureka sat down next to me, not even bothering to try and ask me anything but;

"Let me guess; you don't want to talk about it?" I nodded. There are certain things a person has to keep to themselves. Like loneliness, anger, tears, and most importantly, fear. Fears are meant to be conquered internally, not disseminated out to the entire universe as "completely normal". Nothing about anything that went on here was completely normal.

_'L confronted me in the alleys yesterday. He said he wanted us to work together, after witnessing me killing one of our prime suspects. He said something about you, and I thought you might be being followed.' _Eureka snorted.

"I was being followed for a while, but now I got the guy tied up in the basement." I leaned forwards, staring at her in disbelief. I knew she was serious, but…. She saw the look on my face and grinned her evil grin that looked far too evil for a girl to ever hold. "I'm dead serious. If we don't feed that guy soon he's going to die." I felt the urge to slit her throat, but held back.  
Eureka was not a loose cannon. She was well organized and thought her actions through while beating people down who might get in the way. Whatever compelled her to do that, she must have had some sort of plan.

"Well, you see, Am, you're probably thinking about my plans for this guy. I'm actually reusing an old one. They were working under L, and already told me that much. So we keep them hostage for a while until L notices they haven't returned from trailing me and he comes here. Or at least sends another proxy for me to torture." That plan had worked once, on a less intelligent criminal, but it wouldn't work here. If I knew anything about L, he would have figured this all out by now, the way I should have, and he probably knew where we were hiding thanks to her now.

_'Do whatever you want. I am going home for the night. See you tomorrow.' _I signed with little emotion. The truth was they wouldn't see me tomorrow. This was getting to close to comfort for me. I stood up from my spot, shaking awake my feet which had fallen asleep from sitting so long, and pushed my way out of the room. I continued to circle towards the door, not even pausing to look back at them, just vanishing out into empty streets.

Is it strange to see a girl like me walking out of an old office building? Probably not, I looked almost old enough to belong here, but the hair always ruined it. I started my trek down the long flight of stairs, making me reevaluate choosing this place as headquarters. So many stairs that it looked almost like a dying gray courthouse. Nothing but the clicking of shoes and shortness of breath as people climbed. Although, when detaining suspects, it was nice to drag them up a long set of marble stairs. That, at least, never got old.  
At the bottom of the staircase was the raven haired boy again, watching me like a phantom. Eyes unfeeling, but smile so cold that it would have burned my skin. His back was still hunched, but it was straighter at the same time. Even from all the way at the top of the stairs, I could see every feature on his face, watching me. In paler light of setting sun, shadows crossed his face and it almost looked ominous yet obvious, that he was waiting for me down there. And he knew everything about us already. There was no way out. I couldn't turn and go back inside or risk him coming in. I couldn't walk down there and risk talking to him. But I had to make a choice, and as always, I chose wrong.  
The stairs made a noise I had never heard before as I stepped down them, trying to remain calm. I was afraid, and I didn't know why. Fear was complete irrelevant. It didn't belong here. I took a final deep breath, and the final four stairs until I was staring him in the eyes in an endless checkmate, and yet, I couldn't decide who the king in danger and who the knight trying to keep their distance was in this game he wanted me to play with him.


	7. Chapter 6: Past

Author's Note:  
I think I'm going to upload some of this once a day, and twice a day on weekends...yeah...Reviews are greatly appreciated :D :D So if you happen to read this and enjoy it, please leave one! Thank you for your time!

~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

Before this, I had never seen soulless eyes. He was unfeeling, his face was like that of a statue's. The darkness of sunset was slowly closing its fists around the city, allowing for momentary silence. Why was he not speaking? His dark eyes and dark hair seemed so familiar to me, and I was tempted to sign a hello of some kind, but I remained still. The only way to beat a statue is to become one, or at least, to act like one. I kept my face straight and my fists clenched.

I knew what others would call me, had I ever told them this, but I was mesmerized by his eyes. It was the strangest feeling I had ever had. It was a choked up sensation that you get when you look into a nightfall and know what beauty is. It was the same feeling you get from overcoming all boundaries, and that rush of victory and sweet taste of knowledge that you have done something incredible. His eyes were the same for me, and I didn't know why.

Before, in the alley way, I could have sworn they were brown, like the color of mocha, so light and yet so dark at the same time that made someone feel happy and warm in the winter. But now, I was not so sure. They looked gray and dead, almost as if his body had given up on the frail hope of ever having color or meaning to it. He looked lost, but still so calm. So unforgiving. His eyes were a storm that beat down on my soul and made me feel depressed deep inside, rain drowning out everything else I had, until only fear and regret remained.

"Hello, again, Amethyst." He finally spoke in his odd voice. I did not move, did not respond, I wouldn't give him any chance. L, as he said he was, smiled the smile again, the one that reminded me of a demon's child.

_'Hello, L. How nice to see you here…..at my headquarters. What do you want?' _His gaze went from amused to shock. His eyes still refused to leave mine, as if nothing else mattered.

"What, I'm not allowed to go where I wish? I just happened to be here at the same time you did. Coincidences happen, Amethyst." I hoped my own expression held as much annoyance as the rest of my mind did.

_'Not for you, so I've heard.' _L smiled and nodded, and I couldn't decide if he was serious or if he didn't understand me but he offered his own answer.

"Well, someone has told you correctly. I was following you, happy?" Keep a straight face, I told myself silently.

_'I am not happy that you don't trust me. You've already shown me your face, did you honestly think I would not notice you here?' _He blinked several times, breaking my connection with his stormy eyes.

"Honestly, I had hoped you wouldn't, but you already have. Well, I suppose you're going home and don't need an escort, so I'll leave you alone." I froze. L turned around, moving down the last two steps and heading out onto the sidewalks. Was I supposed to chase him or something? He definitely wasn't quite right in the head. But then again, I was the one who wanted him to trust me. This much, I would never admit to anyone. I don't know why I wanted his trust, but I wanted it.

I snapped out of my mental insanity zone and curved my head, but he was gone. Not that it should have mattered anyways. My irritation was met by colder winds and freezing fingertips, reminding me that autumn was here again. I just needed to be alone for a while.

My shoes clicked against the pavement, making me way through crowded streets to nowhere. I was supposed to go home, but if I was there I would be forced to face the dream again. And if I went back to the others, they would ask me what was wrong again, and I didn't want that either. I would rather be alone so I could decide what I needed to do next, if there was anything I could actually do next. If there was any hope of me getting out of this rut, and out of this foolishness, I would do it in a split second.  
My phone rang in my pocket, I slid over to the side of a building and propped myself up to read the message that had been sent.

**Are you sure that you're alright? –E **

I took in a deep breath of city air, trying to keep myself calm. Nothing was wrong. Everything was fine.

**I'm perfectly fine. Why do you ask? –A **

I folded my phone and kept it in the palm of my hand, forever watching it, waiting. Nothing was wrong. Everything was fine. I was alright. I was supposed to be alright.

**You just seemed different today is all. More spacey than normally. Your pupils were really wide, too. Also Brandon made a big deal out of it. He's reading over my shoulder. –E **

If I was supposed to laugh at that, I didn't. I just put my phone away and waited in this rotten city for something to finally go right for a change. But after a moment, I thought it unfair not to respond to them. It was Eureka, after all, and all she wanted was to know I was okay.

**Sometimes, I'm like a deer in a headlight. Just scared. And you know exactly why. Night. –A **


	8. Chapter 7: Past

Author's Note:  
A few days ago, my friend Tara and I were sharing dreams and she made me swear not to tell anyone about her dream. I thought it was interesting and really...just...something, but she was a little scared of it. But we got to talking about Amethyst and her dreams, which will be chapters every now and then, and she agreed to let me base one of Amethyst's dreams off of hers. So here it is. I was told by her to tell you that the only thing I changed was the people in the dream itself. People actually dream like this, and she and I are one of them.  
Anyways, just remember to leave a review if you have any suggestions or just enjoyed it :D It would be greatly appreciated.  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

_The blood tastes bad. That was the first thing that would process off my lips, forming the beautiful words that I could not hear. The words that I could not speak. The blood tastes bad. My own lips were stained with the red liquid, my body weak and tethered to the ground. It was cold, if there was a way to describe the sensation of freeing, I would have been able to figure it out, but I couldn't.  
My hands were bound together, tied by an invisible force behind my back, and I couldn't move. Everything but my mouth and eyes were frozen in time, paused almost, like on a screen that served to purpose. That's what I was. And then they were visible, the others.  
Almost immediately, I recognized them. Lying on her side, her blonde hair falling down across her face, black clothes in tatters, Eureka. My poor friend, torn and blindfolded, about to face the same fate as me. Her breathing was sharp, and every few seconds she let out a shriek like that of a dying animal. She kept trying to break free from the chains that held her to the ground.  
Behind me, I knew she was there, she was the one crying. The girl with dark hair and light color clothes, shaking and crying. Unfortunate Nicola. Blindfolded like the rest of us. Like me. But how was I supposed to see? How was I seeing them? There was no answer.  
Two others, one sitting down, calmly, the other thrashing about like it was all he could do. The one shaking and screaming for help that would never come was already bleeding from a wound across his neck, already running out of time and out of words.  
The last one was leaning up against a wall, his head drooping over his disfigured body. He wasn't dead, no he was far from it, I could tell. But his face would not show and I could not recognize him and his dark hair and broken form. He was already dying. It shouldn't matter.  
Then came the noise, the noise that sounded like a butcher knife skidding across a marble counter, scratchy and terrifying. I felt someone breathing on my neck, slowly dragging a blade across my exposed skin, but they pulled away from me and went instead to my friend.  
Eureka was first, shrieking and trying to get away, but the figure raised the blade that flickered like a silver snake, and drove it down into where I was sure her heart was. The blood from the cut bubbled and fizzed, streaming like a waterfall in the darkened room. A crimson waterfall. The figure ran two fingers across her wound until their hand was wet with blood, dripping with another person's life.  
They moved to Nicola, behind me again, drawing their weapon again and making one final slash across her throat. She made a sound that seemed choked and fell forwards, splattering in a sickening noise.  
No… it was all I could think. No. No. No. No.  
The boy in chains that was shaking bleeding out, his eyes had given up hope that he would survive. I would have too had it been me. I stand up, the weight of fear finally releasing me from its frail grasp. But I look down into my hands and the silver knife is there, coated in blood again, and the fear gets all the more real.  
I look back behind me and see the three bodies, each blindfolded and bleeding still, all because of me. I cocked my head to one side, trying to comprehend the magnitude of what I have done, or what I feel I have done. My fingers are covered in sticky red blood, so I raised them to my lips and licked them clean.  
The blood tasted bad. That was the first thought I had. Not the internal disgust at myself and all my actions. My lips shaped the words, but I could not speak. The blood tasted bad.  
There was another one. That was the next thought. One more. One more, full of blood, full of life, life that I could take.  
I turned towards the one who remained, the only one, only to find his face tilted up towards mine. His eyes were pools of disbelief and depression, not fear. But regret. That was what his brave, pale face held.  
"Go ahead and kill me. Frankly you've taken everything else." His words were shock enough for me to go on edge, and I raised the knife one final time, closing my eyes, not needing to fear that I would miss my mark. I never missed. _

I woke up in cold sweats, my blood feeling like acid, and my eyesight blurry with shaking sounds all around me. That dream had never come before. That was new. All of it was. I closed my eyes, waiting for the earthquakes of contemplations in my mind to be hushed. But it would not be silent, only louder and louder until I opened my eyes again, tearing apart my thoughts and the little bit of piece I had.  
Was it healthy to dream about killing all of your friends and a random stranger? I hoped it was normal at least. Not necessarily healthy, just ordinary. But somewhere inside I knew it wasn't.

I didn't even bother trying to find the light, I just allowed the final words in my mind to lull me back to them, praying I might still be sane, that I might still be alright. I wasn't. I knew that much. This was something only a disturbed person would dream about, this wasn't normal.  
But neither was the fact that the one person who remained in my thoughts, dancing out of my subconscious and into my regular thinking was the last one who I had yet to kill. Did that mean something? The only one I was afraid to kill first? Afraid of? Afraid? I knew the dark eyes, the dark hair and odd voice. I knew the pale skin and emotionless glare. And yet, I closed my own pale eyes, begging to escape this vortex of pain and fear, trying to find my way back to the dream about the river and the rocks, where I could finally find some peace.


	9. Chapter 8: Past

Author's Note:  
I think I've done more than enough character development for a while, but I mean….yeah. If anyone is interested, I have the official song of Empty Voices (The song that inspired it). So…..umm….just PM me if you want the name and artist. If you really just want to read the story itself then I don't want to force it upon anyone. But I'm random, so I'll probably be making references to it that no one else will get….yeah…  
Anyways, please remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed :D :D  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

When I arrived back at headquarters again, maybe a week after I had first seen him, I was paranoid. I shoved my way past the workers, past everyone who tried to stop me. They were all talking to me, but I just wanted to get to my area, to get back to the information room. I just wanted to be alone. They trusted me, though. They thought I would protect them, but I was too afraid that no one would protect me.  
I did have an organization, but we were small. About a hundred of us, but that was too many for my tastes. Many were hired, some volunteered. But I never bothered to remember their names or why they were here or what they did. I had my team. They had their positions. I kept pushing them aside, trying to make it out without snapping, but it was not me that they were trying to talk to. At least, not the me they wanted. Today I was afraid, not strong like normal.  
Faces, blurred files of information they wanted me to take, but I didn't. I simply ignored all their voices. Maybe once I could have pretended to be deaf, but not now that they knew I could hear them. I made it to the stairs, refusing to take an elevator two floors up. As I climbed, I was met with the thoughts of what was waiting for me today. There was nothing left to do, nothing left to hide, and no one left to fight or to kill. There was nothing. Nothing but me and my own obsession with this fear.  
Stairs were a personal preference for me. I was born with working legs and I intended to use them. But today I was weak with little sleep and tiny amounts of energy carrying me. It wasn't that far, but it felt to long. But I climbed.  
At the top, I pushed the door open and emerged into the blue painted hallway. It opened into the pale beige room, furnished with a few leather couches and a coffee table. I could smell the tea boiling from here, and it was a beautiful and refreshing scent. I always felt at peace here.  
Several months before, my team and I decided we needed some sort of conference room after they got tired of me and Eureka always playing checkers on a desk while they tried to get work done. We were childish at times, but the two of them were no different inside. Still, the room was decorated and painted according to Nicola's plan to impress any others that might be interested in joining us. That meant food, drinks, and nice chairs and rugs. I hated the coloring, but the room itself was large and homey, with doors on either side that allowed easy access and two ways out. Just in case.  
But today had another plan for me, and when I slid the glass door all the way open, inviting the sweet scent into my lungs. Eureka and Brandon were already inside, not fighting as usual, but waiting. Eureka's laptop sat on the coffee table, closed, but I could see the white light enough to know that it was on.

Her eyes immediately shot up to me as I walked in cautiously.

"Where's Nicola?" I hadn't seen her today, and they both knew that. I moved over to one of the counters, using my nose to track down where the smell was coming from. They must have noticed this, but they made no comment.

"Should we tell her? Or wait for Nicky?" Eureka wasn't talking to me, but I still spun around, raising my eyebrow. Brandon shrugged and folded his arms. The two of them sat on opposing chairs, not making eye contact. I knew why. They hated each other, and I couldn't help but wonder how awkward it was for them to sit here like this, and for how long they must have been here.

_'Tell me what, exactly?' _I signed when their gazes flickered back over to me. Brandon blinked several times and then looked over to Eureka. He didn't understand sign language and made no attempt to. He never had. That was a flaw he had. And I resented it.

"It's nothing, we should wait for Nicola. Maybe I should call her…" My blonde friend pulled out her phone. I turned back to searching for the beautiful scent of tea leaves. There was nothing to follow, I just kept inhaling to see if I could track it down, but there was just the smell of boiling leaves. Eureka let out a sigh, and I looked over my shoulder at her.

"She's not answering. Do you think she's not coming? You told her it was important right?" The last sentence was directed at Brandon, and there was a slight edge to her voice that reminded me of a python. I wasn't sure why, but that's what she reminded me of sometimes. Beautiful to look at, but she might kill you. Maybe that's just because I was deprived of something to drink and sleep. Strange things start to happen when you don't sleep. And judging by this eternal scent that came from nowhere, I must have already been hallucinating.

"I told her that all four of us needed to be here." Brandon spat back at her, and the fight was about to begin again, right behind my back. But she snarled and leaned back in her chair. I glanced over at both of them again, trying to pick where I should sit. I chose next to Eureka and folded my own arms.  
I heard the sound of feet running up and down the halls. It was a faint noise, but I heard it. I might have been going insane, but I heard it. I sat up straight and leaned towards the door, cocking my head to see what was happening. But it wasn't important, just Nicola who threw the door open while straightening her hair. She allowed the sweet smell to escape, and I looked away from her.

Nicola was a valued member of the group, but she was little more than a negotiator. Yet, she had to be here for something like this. Whatever this was.

"Took you long enough, Nicky." Nicola stuck out her tongue Eureka, still trying to fix her hair that wasn't messy at all. I was jealous of her. Perfect face, perfect hair, perfect personality. But these were also the reasons she was vital to the organization. She was the face. Simple as that. Nicola moved around the edge of the couch and plopped down next to me. I scooted over a little and she laughed.

"Still afraid of people?" I didn't respond to her. I didn't even look over at her. Brandon folded his arms again, leaning forwards to reach the coffee table.

_'Is it time to tell us what's going on?' _Eureka let out a long exhale, but continued to grab her computer off the table.

"L requested a meeting with all of us, but he won't come in person. I gave him a time, eleven a.m., to do a video conference, I guess. But he won't show his face either, so I guess he'll see us but we won't see him." My skin prickled with anger at them, but also the fear again. When will they learn?

"Oh…is that all?" Nicola said calmly. How can she be calm? How can all of them be calm? Maybe I was just crazy, or afraid to die. But that was a reasonable fear. Isn't it?  
I glanced over to the wall where a clock should have been, but it wasn't. The fear was already setting in. I needed to get out before it trapped me, before it squished me and silenced me. I couldn't be here. Did they trust him? I hoped not.  
Standing up, I moved away from them, but their gazes immediately switched to me, shaking and trembling for no reason. Desperately trying to do something, to get out of this, but I couldn't think of any way. I was supposed to be intelligent. I was supposed to know what to do. I was supposed to be able to handle something like this. I was supposed to be a lot of things.

Eureka opened up her laptop and placed it back onto the glass table as I watched from the other side of the room, pacing. Not nervously. I just needed to walk in a circle until my body would listen to me again. That was all. L was not a person I wanted to be around, whether in real life or through a computer screen. I wanted him to leave me alone and stop following me. But I couldn't tell them that. I just had to sit this out.  
The screen beeped several times, and Eureka clicked on something. The screen went completely white until a gothic black L was revealed. I knew that font. I had it set on most of the computers here. But Eureka's was the only one without it. Simple. Yet powerful. He knew what he was doing, and I knew he couldn't see me from over here.

"There are only three of you. Where is Amethyst?" Straight to the point, as always. His voice was almost the same as I remembered it. I made a few motions to signal that no one should mention me, but Nicola waved me over. I didn't budge.

"She's a bit….preoccupied at the moment, but she's listening. I'll tell you what she says." Eureka's facial expression remained solid as she adjusted the web cam. I let out a silent thank you, which I was sure was visible by my expression.

"Alright then….let's get down to business. I've already spoken to Amethyst about this. There are only a few things I can do with the control of the police. Anything within the law. But you, you all seem to do whatever if necessary without a second thought. I envy this of you. And I want you to work for me." A sharp inhale followed by a clenched fist was Eureka's only response. Instead, Nicola tried her way, since it had worked so many times before.

"If it's an alliance that you want, we'll agree to help you, but we work for Amethyst. What she decides is what we do. It's loyalty, not work. But thank you for the offer." She was making a mistake but I couldn't stop her. That was just how she did things. I closed my eyes, staying out of sight, and signed my disapproval. Brandon never looked away from the computer screen in all of this, his amber eyes not moving. There was a scoff from the other side.

"You don't seem to understand. I've already asked her. And since working for me sounds better to her than being dead, she's already agreed to my terms. Now, as for the rest of you, unless you want to find yourselves six feet underneath everyone else's feet, I suggest you join your leader." And then a moment of silence where their gazes beat down on me. They knew I had surrendered my soul to save my own life, and suddenly all the vows we made to not sell out went down the drain. I had released them without them ever knowing. But Eureka knew it almost immediately, what I was really doing. And, judging by her intense stare, she feared for me and my safety.

"I'll follow you if that's what Amethyst decides to do." Eureka…. It didn't make any sense that should would follow me without a second thought unless…. She always knew what to do, regarding personal safety.

"You are all insane." Brandon spoke for the first time in a while, snarling almost. His face was cold, and I watched with disappointment. After everything he did to impress us, he'd leave like that. Respectable, but sad, all the same. "There's no way I'm working with a nut job. I agreed to work with Amethyst. Not any of you people. She's my boss. Not you."

"Very well. That's one yes, and one no. You don't have to listen to me, I'm just recommending it." The voice that I heard was beginning to sound agitated by this point.

"I work for Amethyst. I'll work with you, but I only work under one person. It's called self-respect." Nicola's answers were never clear, but this much I allowed for her.

"A straight answer would have been nice, but I'll take it as a yes. Now, if you'll ask Amethyst to come over here, I'd like to tell her something." I froze again, feeling the prickling of my skin and of the fear in the back of my mind. But I moved over towards the screen, sitting down next to Eureka, who offered me a weak smile that I did not meet.

"Amethyst, regarding the man that you killed, I should tell you that I am very impressed with your investigation skills and with your ability to take down a target. And after trailing your team, I am very impressed with their skillsets as well. I am pleased to at least have you on my side. Until we meet again, Amethyst. This was nice, even if I didn't get to see you."

And with that the screen went black. With a knot in my throat and a faint whisper of relief in my soul, I let out a sigh and held my head down. I am safe, at least for now.


	10. Chapter 9: Past

**Then:**

"Explosions are interesting." Eureka stated this while keeping one hand firmly wrapped around a tea cup and using the other to move a red checker piece to the wrong square. Not that she had made any mistake other than allowing me another double jump. The game was beginning to bore me, looking down at the board and counting up my odds. Two kings already. Eureka was missing five pieces.

_'How so?' _I spelled with one hand, absentmindedly jumping another checker. She made a pouting face and put down her mug.

"Do you ever really think about them? I mean, we wire expensive materials to explode other expensive materials. It's completely pointless." I rolled my eyes in response to this and took a drink of my own coffee. It was beginning to get cold, but still warm enough to peek my interest. Eureka made a move, the first safe one she had made in a while, making sure I wasn't able to jump her over in the corner.

_'So is this game. Yet, we still play.' _She flicked a piece of blonde hair out of her eyes, watching me move my king out of its place. I was probably setting myself up for her first jump of the game, but I didn't mind.

"Yeah, but, I mean….there's so much destruction in one place that it really makes you wonder. What human decided that they should try to make everything blow up? Let's be honest for a second." Eureka made no move to jump my piece. I frowned.

_'They probably did it on accident.' _This thought made her laugh, leaning back in her chair and pushing a red checker forwards with the tip of her boot. I pushed it into a proper square and she smiled, obviously amused by this.

"So, what? They just blew themselves to bits? That makes sense, but why would they even be messing with that sort of technology? And fire?" I was starting to hear a pattern in her questions, but this I ignored in the process of jumping another red piece. Ten minutes in and the game was almost over.

_'I suppose they were just upset about something, but you may have a point.' _I signed, placing my mug back onto its coaster. The brew inside shook and rippled, a bit spilling off the edges. I wiped the droplets off the table with my hand.

"But explosions are just so fun, maybe that's why the creator made them. Because it's fun to watch things just….poof! Explode in a fiery pit of death! Fun, right?" And now she finally stopped making sense. I considered her thought for all of a split second before noticing it was my turn again and poorly moving my own checker to the wrong place. But it didn't matter, I would still win.

_'You think fiery pits of death are amusing?' _Eureka cocked her head, obviously confused at either me or this game. She pushed a red piece forwards to meet mine in a faceoff, not realizing she had left a triple jump open.

"Yeah, don't you? I can't be the only one." Then her grin returned as I chose not to take another piece of hers. Thinking about this, it was odd to wonder why she was so interested in bombs all of a sudden.

_'I suppose, as long as I don't have to be in one.' _I signed my words with a slight edge on my frown. The edge of a smile. It was true, explosions were amusing to a certain point.

"That's what I thought, exactly." An excited look flashed across her face, noticing it was her turn. I wasn't quite sure what she was looking at, but I didn't question it. Eureka leaned forwards, grabbed a red piece and jumped my king. She laughed hysterically, leaning back in the chair and kicking her legs up.

_'Wow….first jump in a week…'_ I signed even though she wasn't looking. She hopped out of her chair, striking a pose that reminded me of a lightning bolt and cheered for herself.

"BOOM!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, so amused with her jump, even though I had all but three of her pieces. So pleased with this. "Now THAT'S an explosion!" My mouth dropped.

_'Were you seriously just setting up a joke?'_ I signed when her eyes looked back over to me.

"Yes!" She went into another laughing fit as I buried my face in my hands, trying to stop myself from slapping her.  
Pausing and thinking about that, I kept my face down, trying to keep my smile from showing. She was something else. But I raised my head, watching her dance around the room. I raised my eyebrow, looking down at the checker board. My turn. I moved the other king I had into a triple jump and cleared the board of all red circles. Eureka froze and looked at me as if to say; 'Did you really?'

_'There's your explosion.' _I signed and stood up.

"Oh, screw you." She folded her arms and made an irritated face. I rolled my eyes and cleaned up the pieces. The coffee had long since turned cold, so I took to mugs with me as well, letting my friend sulk behind me and rant about how I could never let her win no matter how much she tried and no matter if I cared or not. But Eureka didn't realize that the day she won at checkers was the day the entire universe would have been unraveled. She was just so horrible at the game that it was almost depressing.


	11. Chapter 10: Past

**Then:**

Who was he supposed to be? L. After all, this boy had followed me for quite some time and still I didn't know where he was there or not. We all have a purpose, don't we? What was his? And why was he so interested in me anyways?

There was an old saying that my father had taught me once, and through those first few weeks after L had approached me from the darkness of the alleys, it rang through my mind in an endless dream. Angels and demons have only one thing in common: Love. Why this remained, my father had never said. When I was eight, I ran away and we never spoke again.  
But angels and demons are much the same. One is born into darkness, revels in it for hours on end, and then makes a choice about what to do next. One is born into light, forever becoming more and more beautiful only to be struck down by the dark and be alone again when they are lost. That was what I always assumed. Angels and demons are interesting creatures. Wings and feathers and light. Scales and claws and darkness. Simple as that.  
But my father insisted that they were the same in one way. He explained that demons have only one mate for all eternity. Half demons are the exception. But they know exactly who it is the moment they see them, whether this eternal mate is human, angelic, or demonic, it doesn't matter in the demon's eyes. They see only the soul they want to be with until their bodies give out. But angels are another story. They have only one soul mate, only one partner, only one. But they never know. They fall for countless souls only to be crushed and in the end they find that one only to be too late to claim them as their own. And that's why angels are so interesting, my father had said. They love once, like demons, but they are so afraid to be hurt and die that they hold back. Demons have nothing to fear, so they love completely and utterly the same. It was this simple. But I refused to believe it.  
Humans, I decided, were a fair mixture of both demon and angel. We are gorgeous beings who love and hate, who create monsters and blame others, who kill and who make life. But we only know love once, for real. Not twice. Never more than once. After the first time there is love, it becomes stale and empty and cold. So we stay with one person our entire lives and enjoy that beige colored romantic rose that means little where the rose's petals had once been red with passion. Love dies.  
And that was the first thing I learned.  
In all honesty, my father called me an angel for three years until my voice was taken from me. And angel trapped in a demons body make a human, he said. I would be beautiful if I lived, he said. Well, here I am, alive, staring myself in the mirror, holding a blade in my left hand up to wear my voice should come from. If I am a demon I can die. But angels, we don't die. I have no voice in this body.  
But I am an angel, my father told me so, back when he loved me. So I put the knife down on the counter and look into my own eyes.  
I was an angel, my father told me so. My hair was the proof. So colorful, every color that was possible to have been created on my head. I was the divider between supernatural and humanly limits. I am an angel, my father told me so, back when he loved me.  
Now all I had to do was to decide if I wanted to be a demon and love in darkness, never afraid, or love in light, always terrified.  
Darkness, I decided, would be much better.

Now if L was a demon, this would make sense. But he was obviously an avenging angel. Dedicated his mortal life to stopping others no matter what was necessary. I was an angel in a demons body, but I did have this. A demon, from the moment it first sees, was made to love only once. I just had to decide who that love would be.

A human.

An angel.

A demon.

Or, or maybe.

A combination of all three.


	12. Chapter 11: Past

Author's Note:  
I am super excited to write this no matter how many people read it! But this chapter...yeah...  
Anyways; I must keep writing! *dramatic pose* Nothing...  
Please remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed :D :D  
(P.S. Amethyst does a bunch of random stuff I haven't got into, so if you get confused don't worry, I confused myself writing this)  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

I followed my mind, which was what I had taught myself to do. Block out the sounds, the words, the music, block out everything that did not matter. This day was simple, silent. It should have been, at least. There was nothing for me to do, so I headed further into the center of this city, where there were somehow fewer people, bigger buildings, and less noise to be made. Odd, I thought it was, but I had no problem with this. Trees planted in small plots of ground had long since begun to wilt. Their smell had not, however, it was still pure and calming. But there was something I kept feeling, a presence behind me.  
And then I heard that voice again. This was something I could not ignore, the voice on the street behind me. It was always like this. He never bothered to show up when there were other people around me. Maybe it was because I was mute and having to talk to multiple people would be very annoying. Maybe he was just some sort of stalker. Both seemed equally likely, to me, anyways.

"So, you have one day a week where you don't go and investigate or research?" I kept walking, carefully listening to both my footsteps, and the sound of his behind me. I tucked a teal strand of hair behind my ear and tightened my fists, continuing to ignore him and keep walking.

"I'm not going to stop following you until you listen. I have important matters to discuss with you." If he really did, he would have first asked me to stop, not randomly walk up behind me and say hello again. He was simply curious as to where I was going in the middle of the day. I suspected he knew I was aware of this, but he didn't seem to care. I paused on the street, allowing him to walk up next to me before continuing. Safety in numbers.

"Where exactly are you going? There's nothing this way but dead ends and offices." As if I wasn't aware of that. I blinked, and then glanced over at him. His soulless eyes were tilted towards the sky, ignoring the rest of the city. His back was still hunched a bit, hands shoved in his pockets. His hair was darker than before, at least I thought it was. But it was a sweet coal-black. How odd, I thought, for a person like him. He didn't look as pale as before, as if the foggy sunlight had healed him. His eyes shot over to mine in an instant and I turned away, allowing my hair to fall forwards and cover my reddening face.

"Shy?" He asked, his face uncaring, but his eyes suddenly startled by me.

_'I am going to pick something up. It is important. And I am not shy.' _I signed and then sped up my walking speed. He kept his pace up, but managed to stay close by.

"Interesting. What sort of thing, exactly?" He asked with little curiosity in his voice.

_'Why are you still following me? I said I would work for you if you needed, but I need to be able to live in peace.' _I stopped walking as I signed and he stepped past me and paused, looking back. His face was shadowed by the pale light of day, and I glanced down at my feet.

"I thought you might like some company. You're always alone, at least, that's what I have been told." My nostrils flared but I didn't move at all. I simply stared at him and his meaningless expression. What was the point of following me everywhere? What was he trying to do? Whatever it was, I would not let someone know every detail of my life. A personal life is for no outsider to know. Just one person. Just one.

_'I appreciate the thought, but I assure you, I am perfectly happy being alone.' _He cocked his head to the left a little at this.

"Is that so? Well, I hope you won't mind me tagging along this time. Being alone is a dangerous thing, you know." If it truly was, I would have been dead long ago. I don't sign this, I just nod and accept the fact that he insisted on coming no matter what. I began walking again and he followed me, only a little ways behind me, studying my every move.

L was stranger than I expected him to be. His dark hair, his dark eyes, but everything else about him was so simple. His eyes held literally nothing but a reflection of my own emotions. The way he walked was different, and the way he acted was even more so. He acted like he thought he ruled the entire world, like he was so much better and expected me to listen as though he really was. That was what I saw and heard in his voice; superiority. He thought he was better than me.  
I tugged on the sleeves of my jacket, covering my hands up. He seemed to notice this, based on his questioning look that burned more than it should have.

"Are you afraid I might bite? If so, I won't. I wasn't going to anyways." He sounded so serious, but he acted so calmly like nothing was wrong. I wasn't afraid of him. But still I froze on the middle of the sidewalk and curled my hands into fists. Staring him dead in the eye, I didn't move. He paused and looked at me as if I had suddenly grown a second head, moving to stand in front of me.  
L reached forwards and grabbed the sleeve of my jacket.

"Hiding something?" I pulled out of his grasp and signed my response.

_'The real question is; are you?' _He didn't respond to this right away. He studied my face for a few moments, watching my expression and my eyes, never once looking away. I held my breath.

"I'm guessing you made up that lie about needing to pick something up today. You're just here for no reason at all. And you wore a jacket in autumn even though it's not cold yet. Any regular person might call that suspicious, given the fact that this particular jacket has no business belonging to someone like you." I blinked. That was all? I refused the think that.

_'Or maybe I happen to like blue jackets, even though I could afford a better one. But you caught me on my lie, I just like being where there are no people. It is getting increasingly difficult to find areas like this one and I like to be alone.' _I spelled out each and every word with precision, the sleeve of my hoodie slipping down my wrist a bit. I pulled it back down. He watched this motion and squinted at me, looking very much like a confused cat.

"I'm convinced that you're lying. But there's a fifty/fifty chance that I'm right. That's good enough for me to say you could also be telling the truth. Yet, from what I've observed, you rarely go outside unless you're walking to or from your headquarters." Observe. I stopped listening at that word. How much did he observe, exactly? That was the word that troubled me. He had been watching me, and that thought was terrifying. I didn't move to say or do anything else but stare at him with eyes that I was sure looked more than startled.

"You're a valuable player in this game, Amethyst. There are hundreds who want you on their side. But now that you've joined me. Well. That's going to put you in even more trouble than you are. Words spread fast on my side. I had to be sure no one was after you yet. Even if it meant watching you twenty-four hours a day." My blood ran cold. All the discomfort and distrust I felt this past week wasn't me going insane. I was right. He was following me, he was watching me. I wasn't crazy after all.  
But then, he also saw the knife, the screams from the nightmares, the constant locking myself in my room, and me constantly staring at my own reflection. What did he think of me? Why did I care so much?

_'And you did not think that this might upset me?' _This made him smile, it was a slight smile, but I could see it.

"I was counting on you getting upset. And on you figuring this out on your own. I suppose I was wrong about your level of intelligence, but based on what I managed to see, you had your own problems going on." I took a deep breath out of anger, and did my best to stay calm. People were not supposed to know about anything I did. Except for me.

_'My level of intelligence has nothing to do with this. I am sick of listening to you. Either be quiet or go somewhere else.' _I signed and turned to start walking the other way. L followed me, close behind again. I sped up, taking longer strides to avoid being near this person who knew my secrets.

"Amethyst." He grabbed my hand and I froze, taking a sharp inhale. I turned and tried to pull my hand away, but his grip was tighter than I expected. His eyes bore into my own, staring, reflecting fear. There was nothing his expression held but emptiness. Not just that it meant nothing, but that he looked at me and saw that I was empty. That was what I saw.

"The knife. I want you to stop messing around with it, alright? Don't toy with death or human lives. Or your life. Whatever I saw happening, I want you to try and stop it. And that's my first order for you." He let go of my arm and I staggered backwards, tripping over my own feet and somehow managing to keep my balance. My face was burning but I wasn't sure why I was embarrassed. He turned the opposing way and began to walk away.  
This time I was sure he wanted some sort of response out of me, but I did nothing but crumple to the ground and do my best not to have a mental breakdown. I looked down the sidewalk to where he was, and L turned around, looking over his shoulder at me. His eyes were sad this time, sad for me. Then his expression got lighter when he saw me looking at him, but he turned back around and kept walking.

I managed to get to my feet, unsure of whether to smile uncontrollably or to cry like nothing mattered, but I took in a deep breath of fresh air and took off down the pavement, running. Not desperate to get away, but desperate for the day to be over so tomorrow would come and I would see his soulless eyes on the street again.


	13. Chapter 12: Past

Author's Note:  
I had a horrible case of writers block when I wrote this chapter, so it is not my best work, and for that I apologize.  
But if you read and at least like it please leave a review :D :D  
~Echo

* * *

**Then: **  
Pain is not real. No matter what anyone has told me, I refuse to believe there is such a thing as pain. Pain does not exist, is it a figment of the imagination. The terrible side of humanity tells us that pain is real, and that we all must feel it for that is what the world wants. The other side says that pain is triggered by the brain and expressed through nerves in the body. No, if pain was triggered by the brain, we as humans would have a mental choice whether or not to feel pain in times of distress. But no, pain is supposedly constant.  
When we are born, we make a choice. Live or die. Love or hate. We make that choice. I made that choice. But I chose wrong, so here I am again, looking for something that isn't here. For someone I saw once on the corner of the sidewalk, who took my hand against my will and told me to stop. Who followed me and scared me, but who also plagued my thoughts every second after. The boy with hair the color of nighttime, with eyes that held no meaning. He was soulless, and I had too much of a soul. Perhaps he would teach me. Teach me how to be empty, not empty as in missing something in life. But withdrawn.  
I was in the middle of fear and bloodshed, but I was the monster and I was the one who held the blade. I was a warrior who chose life when I should have chosen death, and yet I'm reconsidering my choice. I am disgusted at myself for my idiocy, but yet I never change. I am sickened by the sight of my own face, and yet mirrors fascinate me. I am a living, breathing paradox, yet I am so predictable that it is terrifying.

L has proven that he can predict my every move. Was that the point of what he said on the street? Because he is aware of what I do and how I act, it would only make sense. He is far smarter than I could ever hope to be, and I'm supposed to be the smartest in my group. I'm supposed to be a lot of things, but he clearly knows I'm not. Yet he wants me on his side, so, why am I valuable to him?

He obviously just wants the resources for information I have, or maybe the number of people at my disposal. Not me. He's just using me, like a rook on a chess board. Valuable in price and status, but it serves no real purpose unless you know what you're doing. It's unlikely he hasn't planned everything out from the start, all my possible reactions, and everything I might do. But he was unprepared for the shock of the knife and the screaming. He never considered that I might not want to live, that I might be terrified of life. I had the upper hand for a moment, but I let it slip away with my performance before. I had a chance to win, but I didn't know what I was doing. Just like a rook on a chess board. Just like a pathetic rook who cannot hope to win.

I stared up at the ceiling above my bed in a serene silence. Everything should be alright for a while. I considered if he might be watching me, so every now and again I would sign a rhetorical question, but it was something so simple that one might think I was just asking myself it. Easy enough.

I wanted this day to end too quickly, frankly because I'm an emotional mess inside. Outside, I'm calm. Inside, though, I'm having a huge discussion about life and love and pain. All three of these things mean little to me. Life is nothing but a second on the clock of time. It means nothing when it's going on and means nothing when it's gone. Yet, I'm here and I'm pleased that I get this moment to change something. Pain is not real. That's all there is to it. But love. Love is another story.

What humans call love is little more than a chemical reaction the brain, triggered to make animals want to breed. It comes, and then it goes. Simple, terrifying, and all together depressing. To think that if I ever fall in love, it would just be because a stupid chemical told me that I should. No. I won't be a part of that. No one stays in love forever, it comes so quickly, beating on your skull, and then it goes. Simple as that. So simple, so scary. Love is meaningless.  
I let out a sigh into the silence, still staring at the ceiling. Still wrapped in my blue jacket, the jacket I bought when I was just on the edge of life, when I needed something. It was still too big for me, as it always would be, with a high collar that protected all my skin. It hung low, just above my knees, and that meant I had to wear jeans or nothing at all underneath. This jacket was more than just a jacket. To me, it was. And L had insulted me for it. I heard it as an insult, but maybe he hadn't meant it that way.

Love is meaningless. That thought echoed through my mind for a few more minutes before it vanished completely, replaced by a longing for sleep. I sat up in my bed, feeling the blood rush down out of my head. Dizziness remained for a second before it stopped. I glanced over to the bedside table, reading the red numbers that flashed on the clock. Just after midnight. I should sleep. But the nightmares would only get more vivid, and I needed to keep away from them.

I pulled the covers back enough to wiggles underneath them, curling up into a ball, tucking them slightly over my head like a cocoon. Cozy and warm, I waited for sleep to take me back into its claws, but sleep was persistent. It wouldn't come, not today. My mind was much too awake for my body to rest. Much too full of questions I needed to ask someone other than myself. Much too worried about L and if he was watching me or not, or if he even bothered to do so.

This was a pointless game I was playing, but I was the only one left. Only two options now; ignore or challenge. Time to decide, I thought as I forced my mind silent and my eyes closed. The night was over, it was already tomorrow, and I needed to be ready for what monstrosity it would bring, even if that meant fighting the ones in my own mind.


	14. Chapter 13: Past

Author's Note:

Completely irrelevant topic, but it was pointed out to me by my very best friend, Tara, that all these frickin amazing fan-fictions never get good reviews or favs or follows. Not saying that mine is one of them, but if you feel that it is then share it with people.  
This is the kind of thing that can change, you know.  
Random rant over. Please remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed. Do it. You know you want to. Love to all out there reading this!  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:  
**_'Do you ever wonder about finding someone to love?' _I signed before skipping my black checker piece over Eureka's red one. First jump of the game. She raised her eyebrow at me.

"Where's this coming from?" She retaliated by moving one of her pieces forwards into a corner. I waited a moment, just to be sure she was watching me.

_'I'm not sure, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. For absolutely no reason. I used to not care at all, but now I just.' _I offered my answer but she rolled her eyes, watching me make a move, sending a pawn forwards. Eureka cocked her head to one side and jumped the piece. I sighed, closing my eyes to think for a moment before moving again.

My mind was the strangest place. One moment it would think about the weak points of the human body, and the next it would be wondering what it might be like to get married. In all honesty, both of those seem like things I might think about, but it's just irritating to be curious about such conflicting topics.

"You seem a little off today. I mean, usually you wouldn't let me take one of your pieces like that. Are you sure you're alright?" I nodded and pushed another one of my chips forwards, ignoring my thoughts again.

_'I'm fine. Everything is fine. I'm not depressed or anything.' _I signed with a little smile on my face as my blonde friend failed to notice she had a double jump open.

"I thought we talked about this. I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not." She had a straight face, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh herself. I jumped two of her red checkers, and she banged her fist down on the table. "Why are you so good at this game? It's not even that hard!" I laughed a bit at this, but Eureka made a pouting face and pushed a red chip out of its starting place.

_'You never answered my question.' _I twirled a long strand of red hair around my finger, watching as my friend attempted to figure out why I was beating her already. She raised her eyebrow again and sighed.

"I mean, of course I do, doesn't everyone? But…let's be completely honest for a second. What kind of person would fall madly in love with a murderer who can't win at checkers? Hmm? You know who?" I shook my head slowly, aware of the answer, but not wanting to tell it at the same time. She leaned forwards tilting her ear towards me. My nostrils flared.  
"No one. That's who. NO FREAKING ONE!" She shouted then collapsed backwards into her chair, pulling her legs up so her knees met her chin.

_'That's a bit harsh on yourself, don't you think?' _But Eureka wasn't looking at me. She absentmindedly jumped three of my pieces. My eyes widened. She didn't even seem to care that she was now beating me.

"See, you just made my entire day worse. And it's not even noon yet. Oh yeah, that reminds me." She smiled a devilish smile and folded her arms. "Look who's winning now." I pushed my own chip forwards to challenge hers, knowing she could take this one. But in response, she move it out of the way.

_'Maybe I'm just letting you win.' _She snickered at me, obviously seeing through that lie. I switched to twirling a black strand of hair around my middle finger.

"Are you flipping me off?" I rolled my eyes and shook my head, moving my chip to the other side of the board and earning myself a king.

_'I've sort of been wondering what people think of me lately. Guys especially. I mean, I know Brandon likes me because it's completely obvious, but I just don't know why I'm thinking about this all of a sudden.' _Eureka sighed and moved one of her pieces forwards again. She folded her hands and placed them on her lap, obviously pretending to be like a parent. Her impression would have been spot on if not for the black clothes and combat boots.

"Do we need to have 'The Talk'?" I couldn't help but laugh at that, feeling my face burn with embarrassment. Shaking my head at her, I mouthed the word no in between my fits of laughter. Her face remained completely serious and she raised both her eyebrows at me. "I think we do."

_'Eureka, please. Just play the game.' _My hands were shaking from laughing so much. She cleared her throat as I jumped another one of her pieces.

"Well, Amethyst. You see, when a man and woman love each other very much, they make a big deal out of it in public by making out and disgusting everyone else around them. And, eventually they decide that they must express this idiotic emotion by buying each other gifts. Often times these particular gifts are very, very shitty but they both pretend to enjoy them. This may lead to them getting a house together and then getting married. Well, then, it's time for me to say that both of those people need to get the fuck out of fantasy and back into reality." It was difficult to keep laughing after that, since I couldn't decide whether or not it was depressing, but the look on Eureka's face was priceless.  
"See, most relationships are nothing more than stories in books and one-night-stands. So yeah. My version is obviously much better than the original version." I rolled my eyes and let out a sigh. She didn't have to be so vulgar, but I didn't mind it at all either. I was used to this.

She jumped a piece of mine, narrowing us down to even numbers. Sighing, I moved a chip into the corner, not paying attention to the consequences of this act. Eureka made a growling noise and reluctantly jumped another checker of mine. I untwined the black strand of hair from my finger and shifted over to a teal one. This was just getting boring.

"Are you mad at me or something? Oh! I forgot to tell you something." I sat up straight and stared at my friend who met my gaze, holding up her hands in mock surrender.  
"Before you freak out, it wasn't that important. L came by a couple of days ago. He was looking for you, something about a knife, well. I can't really remember. He looked waaaaaaaaaaay different than I thought he would, I kinda kicked him in the stomach because I thought he was lying for a minute. But yeah, he was looking for you." She glanced down at the board and then back at me. I froze up, closed my eyes and exhaled, trying my best not to hit my friend in the face.

"See, this is why I didn't tell you." Eureka slowly slid her piece onto my side of the board, then flipping it over to represent a king. I took in a shaky breath and did my best to remain calm, pushing another chip across the line and gaining a king myself.

_'Is that all? Because that sounds pretty important.' _I could feel my nostrils flaring, but I insisted that it was nothing. Eureka, instead, didn't see it that way. She leaned away from the board, watching me and what I was doing.

"Am….please calm down, you look really upset. Yeah, I know he scared you before but…." I clenched my fists and brought one down hard onto the table. My friend jumped and started at me with wide blue eyes. It was sincere concern that I read there, but I ignored it.  
"I don't think we should play anymore…" Eureka whispered. I knew why she said it. She thought I was getting upset about nothing.

_'I couldn't agree more.' _I signed before flipping the board over, watching the pieces splatter all over the table, it no longer mattered where the kings where. The game was dead. I stood straight up and headed for the door, my friend not even bothering to stop me, but I knew that if I turned around, she would just be staring at me with her hopeless eyes like I had done something offensive.

Bolting down the hallways and circling down the stairs at a constant speed, I tried to process. L was here before he talked to me yesterday. How long had he knows about that, exactly? For years, I managed to keep it a secret, what I did behind closed doors, but now another person was aware of the freak I was. Death is not meant to be played with. Sometimes, life just didn't feel right. It was an outright lie, promising forevers that never once came. For a lifetime, I've lived a lie. I am nothing but a lie myself. The knife represented my simple way out. Death. And every morning, after I washed my face off and looked into that stupid mirror, I held it up to my throat and waited. Waited to see if I had the guts to take the easy way out or prove myself wrong about everything. It was supposed to always be the same result. Prove myself wrong. But there were days when I came too close to choosing the easy way. Many of them were recently, and I was sure he had seen those days. I knew he had seen what I was becoming. A living who belonged dead. So simple.

I pushed my way through the office floor, ignoring all the noises around me and making it to the front desk and security. No one was there today, just and empty shell of an area that reminded me of that stupid chair I had at my own home. It had never been used. It served little purpose. I ignored this thought and kept going, heading out onto the courthouse-like steps. White and made of what looked as though it was mimicking marble. My feet made little noise against them, my mind whirling with something that was in between depression and regret. The stairs didn't help. I was just starting over at the bottom again. I kept my eyes on my feet, trotting down the stairs, somehow not tripping with all my speed. As I neared the final few steps, I looked up, and he was there again. Waiting for me. He could have come inside, I would have welcomed that sort of meeting. But this was just getting exhausting. What did he want? His face was pointed up to face me, head cocked like he was expecting me to say something.

Why couldn't he just vanish like he always did and stay out of my life forever? No, he just had to be here to make every day worse. But his empty gray eyes seemed pleased to meet mine. I just shoved past him, but the boy with black hair reached forwards to grab my arm again. Why couldn't this guy just take a hint? Any normal person would have been able to. The universe just loved to prove me wrong as his grip on my wrist tightened and I writhed and pulled, trying to get free. What was it with his obsession with me? I couldn't be that interesting. Hell, my entire life revolved around playing checkers. I was little more than a child. L was just a boy who couldn't help but be fascinated by my hair and the silver knife of death. Nothing more, nothing less. That was all.

"Amethyst, can I speak with you for a second?" I took a deep breath and turned around, holding up my first finger. One second. He nodded. I pulled my arms free and rubbed my wrist.  
"I had all the cameras and bugs removed from your home. You get your privacy back." I signed a thank you and moved to leave, but he grabbed my wrist again. I snarled, pulling against his hand, but his grip wasn't difficult to break. L refused to let me go, pulling on my arm again. I whipped around, his hand still wrapped around my wrist.

_'Let go.'_ I spelled out with my free hand. He shook his head, black spikes of hair shaking as well. What an odd thing to notice, I thought, but I tried to move away again.

"I'm not letting you run away again. I want your promise that that knife will stay away from your throat." Why the hell did he care so much? I reluctantly gave up on my attempts to move, staying put and staring loathingly at him.

_'I cannot give you that.' _I signed. Turning again, I began to walk, but his grip went solid and refused to let me go.

"The only thing I'm asking you to do is live. Why is that so hard for you? Why? Amethyst. Look at me." He reached forwards with his other hand and forced my head around so I would face him. I pulled away from his grasp, but not far enough away that he couldn't reach me again. "I said look at me." Hesitantly, I looked at his face. What I had once seen as soulless was full of despair for me, full of anguish at what I was doing to myself. He wanted me alive. But for what. I was useless. He placed one hand on my shoulder and I flinched beneath it.  
"You are an important person. It's weird to say, but you are. I'm not going to stand by and watch you kill yourself. I'm just not." My eyes stung with fear and sadness, but all I could think to do was attempt to punch him. He ducked beneath my blow, but I charged again. L grabbed both my arms and leered in closer to my face. His face was expressionless, but his eyes were now cold.  
"I get it. Life sucks. You don't want to matter, I realize that, but you do. Those people in that building, they all think you matter. Whether they're your friend, and you should thank God that you have people to call friend, or they're just some idiot waiting for their next paycheck. You matter to them." His voice was soft and steady, simple and deep in meaning. I swallowed down the knot in my throat, no longer desperate to get away, but interest in why he said this. All he did instead was let go and awkwardly wrap his arms around me, whispering into my ear.  
"Stay alive, Amethyst. If you won't do it for me, do it for the people who really value your life." He released me and I remained frozen on the sidewalk, so close to him. My eyes were wide, my heart was beating slowly. He stared at me, and in an instant I made a senseless choice again. I leaned upwards an inch and pressed my lips against his.  
Immediately, he froze up. Not moving. He took in a sharp inhale, but that was it. I pulled back in a split second and took a step back, feeling my face burning with embarrassment at myself. He blinked and moved towards me.

"Let me tell you something." I nodded, aware that he was moving closer and closer to me, but I dared not move again.  
"Some people say that love is like poison. It might be anywhere and you never know it. It's so simple, the things that can poison your mind and soul. Sometimes it gets in your system and then leaves. But more often than not, you're a goner. That poison is going to spread through your entire body, beginning at your lips but then infecting your brain. And then before you know it, you're dead." What was he getting at? L's hand moved to touch a black strand of hair that was sticking out next to my ear. "There's one more thing." Those words he whispered.  
"You see…..I just might have a death wish." He murmured before his lips came crashing down on mine. His kiss was surer than mine. Yet it was short, deep, and still empty. There was emotion there that I could taste even after he pulled away and stared at me again. It was a faint taste, like something he wasn't ready to admit. But my entire mind felt like it had stopped working. The numbness remained for a while after. He coughed and took a step away from me.

"Sorry about that. That was…a bit dramatic." I nodded. It sort of was, but my body was shaking too much to even contemplate a possible response. His eyes kept avoiding mine, darting down and staying down. The silence was getting unbearable.

"AMETHYST!" I closed my eyes, praying it wasn't her voice that was coming from the top of the stairs, but I was wrong. Eureka came barreling down the ivory steps, tripping on her way down, but when she got to where L and I were standing, she still had her balance. Out of breath and continuously fanning herself, my friend dusted herself off and frowned at L.  
"Is he bothering you?" I shook my head no immediately.

"Oh, Eureka, right? I never got to thank you for roundhouse kicking me the other day." Sarcasm was heavy in his voice, but Eureka didn't seem to care. She nodded, attempting a cat face.

"Anytime I can help out." She glanced at me, then back at the dark haired boy across from me. Narrowing her eyes, she smiled her devious smile. He looked into my eyes for a moment, then sighed just loud enough to be heard and began to walk away.  
"Where do you think you're going?!" Eureka yelled after him, but all he did in response was raises his hand and attempt to wave at us. I shook my head but out of the corner of my eye, I watched him turn the street corner, a way which I would have usually walked alone, and glance back at me for a half-second. I knew Eureka didn't see it, she was too busy drilling me with questions I wasn't hearing. People are broken creatures, this much I was sure of. But for a second there, life didn't seem like it could be all that bad.


	15. Chapter 14: Present

Author's Note:  
It's finally time for the first scene that takes place in the time after Kira! *fist pump* Been waiting too long to post this!  
Now, on to more pressing matters...if anyone, anyone at all is reading this, please just leave a review. Constructive criticism would be appreciated since I feel like Im not doing a good enough job writing. But still. Reviews. Please.  
Anyways, Love to all out there reading this :D :D  
Catch ya on the flip side. *dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Now:**

There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about that confrontation in the alley. It's odd, even now, over fourteen years later that it lingered. If I had forgotten, I didn't remember that. I smile now when I see his eyes in my mind, because frankly I miss it. I took everything for granted, and now I realize that he's gone. Is that such an awful realization? To think that L is dead, after everything we fought for, after giving up my own prayer for secrecy, after losing that part of me. He's just gone. It's been fourteen long, torturous years without him.

From the moment we met, our story was not meant to remain. He did what he needed to do, took the information he needed and left. It was that simple. Our paths crossed so simply, and then they spread apart only to be pulled back towards each other before we even noticed it. I remember that much every day. He came to me first, then left without a goodbye, leaving me confused as to why he even needed me in the first place. I was a tool he used for information and a voice to the outside. That was all I genuinely was to him. But he kissed me on the sidewalk, I barely knew him then, he never afraid to voice his emotions. I was something more than a pawn. If he was a king, for a while there, I was his queen. That part of me will never be gone, even though the years have torn us far apart.

Why did I try so hard for him then? Why? I was so afraid that he would have me arrested, terrified that he would have me killed. He was young, then, as was I. Both of us needing some sort of purpose, but he had his. L. You were more than I would ever be, and I was jealous. Maybe that's why I pushed myself so far for you. So you would see me as equal.  
But the day I asked you who you saw me as, and you replied only with: "I see you as Amethyst, as a colleague, and as a threat." What did you mean by that? I never did ask, because then it didn't matter. Nothing did but survival. But to me, you were the reason I lived. In hopes of hearing your voice every day.

God, L. You never realized in all the time you spent following me around, always ducking near me. Always asking me questions, always making me try too hard not to smile. Did you ever realize that I loved you? I know you didn't at first, but you were smart. When you stopped me that day on the steps, I remember how you didn't even speak to me, you only watched my eyes, like the rest of me didn't matter. I was so afraid of you and what you could do, but you didn't even falter. Your eyes were so empty, but so meaningful. I guess I always knew from then on. But, as people do, I never admitted anything.

That day, on the marble steps, when the sun had fallen and the air was cold, did you ever think of me as a possibility? I know you did once. At one point. Before. L, I miss you. But that day, when I saw you, I never even tried to fight. I just stayed silent, even more so than usual. And silence says everything. It always does. It always has with you. You never spoke around the others, only me. But I heard your thoughts, I knew how you thought. We were not two of a kind, we were so different that it only made sense for us to be around one another. Too much sense, in fact, for it to ever work. But it did. So now I'm just another girl, in another crowd, waiting for the one I love to come back someday. You aren't coming back, are you?

I'm begging you, wherever you are, whoever you may be now, come back to me. There's a difference between real and make-believe. You were real to me. Please, you don't have to feel the same anymore, but I need to you you're safe. Please, L. Come back to me. No matter what I said before, no matter how many times I tried to be rid of you, no matter what I did to show you my emotions, please come back to me. Because, frankly, I am still in love with you.  
I still love you. And I always will. It's one of those things I just can't let go, because every part of me keeps hoping that you'll stop me on the street again, take my hand like you used to and kiss me the way you used to. Everything about you made my heart ache and I didn't understand it. Just come back, that's all I want. You. I only need you.

But he said you were dead. N. I refuse to accept it, you just can't be gone. You were never the type of person to give up, L. You always had a way out, some way to get by. You were persistent. And it was irritating. But you can't be dead. You can't be.

Come back to me, please. Maybe then I can have closure, spending all this time without you. And I'm lonely here without you. But then again I was lonely before you, and after everything I'm dead inside. I was dead already before, and then somehow you fixed me. I'm so stupid, for making these mistakes.

I miss you. I still love you. And saying all of this now won't change anything. You'll still hate me for leaving, and I'll still be hopelessly in love. If you're really gone, if he was telling the truth, forgive me. Forgive me for everything I did from that first kiss onwards. I loved you from that point until today. And today is hell when you aren't next to me, when you aren't here.

So just…forgive me. Forget me. If you're gone then I guess you already did. I loved you, I still love you, I needed you, and I still need you. I'm so sorry for what I did.

It's all over now, isn't it? So why I can't I let go of all those memories?


	16. Chapter 15: Past

Author's Note:  
So, I had writer's block again while writing this, and then to top it off, I was constantly listening to Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide by Shinedown, and it definitely showed in this chapter.  
Anyways, please remember to leave a review when you read and if you enjoy. Or even if you hated it, I mean, not everyone is going to like it. Now, onto the story! Finally going back to the past! Love to any and all out there who may stumble upon this and read it!  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

_"You see….I just might have a death wish."_

Why wouldn't those words leave my mind? It just kept echoing over and over and over. Not that I wasn't completely spacey since that moment or anything, but when a detective you barely even know steals your first kiss, you're going to question every choice you ever made. This whole thing called 'romance' was supposed to be a big deal. All it was doing right now was driving me completely insane. I stabbed a bit of pumpkin ice cream with my spoon, watching it start to melt already. I sighed and licked the spoon off before repeating this process a few more times.

I sat at home, alone, again. There was no one but me here. Just me and my thoughts, no fear of cameras, and as long as it was light outside, no fear of monsters or nightmares or anything even remotely childish. Just me and my ice cream and my couch. That was all. I closed my eyes, praying for those stupid words to go away. For his voice to get out of my head. To stop remembering that kiss. I didn't care. I didn't even know him. But he didn't know me either. So….why? Why exactly.

Taking another bite of the already melting sweet, I did my best to clear my head. Of course, spending every night by myself didn't help either. I looked down at the bowl I was holding, full of pumpkin ice cream that would never taste as sweet as that kiss. Immediately, I hit myself in the head. No. That kiss was certainly not sweet. It was a mistake. It meant nothing, it was nothing. I should just go back to being bitter and alone. How long had it been since I tested my mental health?

Silently, I stood up and moved into the kitchen, placing the bowl on the wooden countertop, listening to the sound it made at the china scraped against the polished wood. Maybe I should have gotten new counters when I had the chance. I shuddered and moved it instead to the sink, leaving behind a scratch on the wood. There were scratches all over this house, mostly because of me. Me and my tendency to not care about anything but making sure I'm alive. Me and my tendency to be horrible at forgetting the little things.

Love is like poison, he had said. Maybe he was right. Maybe he was just trying to poison me. What an idiotic thought. I dragged myself through the door and around the corner, forcing my body to move up the short staircase. Forcing myself to move and do my best to breathe and do something. Love is like poison. Maybe he was right.  
I turned at the corner of the stairs, moving into my bedroom and basically collapsing next to the bed. It was too far, and everything was too much. I just couldn't do it. Taking a deep breath, I hoisted myself up off the floor, moved another five feet and managed to move myself onto the bed. I curled into a ball, not even bothering to pull the covers over myself.  
Maybe I was genuinely sick. That would explain the constant moments of feeling weaker than weak. Love is just like poison, I thought, laughing in spite of my own stupidity. It hits so fast you don't even know what's come or why, you just know it's all over from the moment it begins. It tears away at your muscles, makes your soul weak, and lets your heart swell until it might burst. It makes you cry when you don't want to and feel lonely in crowded rooms without them. It's so stupid, so pointless, love is. But it's just like cyanide, quick to kill, and fast to end. But then you develop an addiction and before it's too late, you have to have it just one more time.

How lovely it must feel to know that you're going to die. Or want to die that way, at least. How strangely people must think when this venom infects them. Then again, I'm obviously one of them now. Damn. It's all over for me. Might as well enjoy it while I get the chance.

I closed my eyes and did my best to enter a dreamless sleep, but sleep was uninviting. Like it had been every moment since I had met L. Maybe he was the problem, not me. No. I was the problem. I had always been.  
At least now, I have an excuse, this toxin called love has made me weak and made me hopeless. This toxin called love will be the death of me. I managed to fall asleep before the sun was finished setting with a smile on my face, only half aware that I was thinking about him.


	17. Chapter 16: Past

Author's Note:  
According to Tara, this scene was "So awkwardly adorable" and apparently that was the first time she ever used that exact combination of words.  
And this is what goes on in my life. Absolutely nothing interesting.  
Moving on, please remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed! :D :D  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

I decided to be normal for once, see how the slightly less insane people lived. The sun was bright enough for me to shield my eyes, but not so much so that I was blinded. Autumn was finally coming head on, the cold air brushing against my neck.  
It was the first time I had not worn my beloved aqua jacket in what felt like years, but I knew better than that. Today, it was all about being normal and trying to blend. That meant be quiet, be unnoticed, and go where the most people are. Is that what the normal people did? It seemed boring. I almost turned down my favorite street, the one that was always empty, but I forced myself away. Not today. Maybe tomorrow.

The first day of pure normality in weeks was obviously going to go wrong, but I would accept this easily. Anything was better than this boring world. I almost broke into a skip as I walked along the side walk, plaid skirt swaying as I moved, and black leggings rubbing against the heels of my red boots. How strange I must look in my getup. The plain ebony shirt that hung a bit low around the neck, mixed with the skirt that touched my knee caps and the leggings that showed off the figure of my legs. And then there were the boots, a light red like a rose petal but dark enough to resemble blood, but they matched so perfectly that it was weird enough for me to think about it. But it didn't matter. I loved the boots, but never had I needed to wear them long enough for someone other than me to see them.

There was a coffee shop that I had never once gone in. It was never crowded, but Eureka always said the coffee was too sweet for her, and the owners were even more so. The area around it was so developed, that I could scarcely see it. The pale brick outline and chipped paint around the white doorway. But inside the two large windows, I could see a few people, sitting alone or with another person, laughing and enjoying themselves. How I wanted to be a part of something like that. To have a place. I let out a sigh and pushed the door open, startling myself when I heard a bell ring and a waitress waved a hello to me. There was a sign near the door that read "Please seat yourself, a server will be with you shortly." Followed by a smiley face. For some reason, I couldn't help but smile either.

Looking for a spot in the corner, or at least a bit out of the way, I scanned the shop. A bit bigger than I would have thought, and with more people than were visible through the windows at the front. But it was still a cute place with quite a bit of character. I moved away from the center and off to the side, noticing the separate room. In my mind, I was wondering how many places were still like this. With white wood floors and metal chairs, looking like a picnic was taking place, but smelling like heaven with a tidbit of mint here and there. With walls that were painted a pale pink and spotted with shadowy paint. It did make me feel better, just being in this atmosphere for a while.

"Hey. Amethyst." And then my moment of serenity was completely over. I felt my face turn red as I looked over to my left. Dammit. In the furthest corner of the room, sitting hunched over with his feet pulled up into the chair as if the floor had suddenly turned into lava, which for all I know it had and that would have explained why my face was suddenly burning, was him and his dark eyes.  
"Just so you know, I wasn't following you. I just like this place. They make the sweetest coffee in the whole city." As if that made me feel any better. The happy glow of the restaurant wasn't helping anymore. Never once did his gaze leave the surface of the table, but every few seconds I caught him trying to steal a glance at me. Stupid L. I moved over to the table wear he sat, pulling out the opposing chair and sitting down. He made no move to oppose me, only looking down at what I was wearing.  
"Well, that's different." I nodded, tucking the edge of my skirt under my legs.

_'I hope that was a compliment.'_ His turn to nod, and then say nothing at all. Instead he slid a menu across the table at me and kept staring down, not meeting my eyes. I took a deep breath and tapped the tabletop to get his attention.

_'Are we just supposed to pretend like it never happened?' _The boy with the dusky eyes blinked, shattering my connection with him for a moment.

"That's what I've been doing so far." He looked over at something, so I followed his gaze. A waitress, with a floral pattern apron on approached the table. Her hair was auburn, and in it I could see a number of red bobby pins. I folded my hands and placed them in my lap, staring politely at her. But the woman showed no sign of talking to me.

"Ryuzaki, it's nice to see you back here again. We've been busier since you stopped coming, but it's great to know you'll be coming back." Ryuzaki? An alias? The woman's voice was a bit odd, like it didn't quite belong in her body, but judging by the way her skin looked, formally aged for her twinkling eyes and lonely smile, I could tell that she had recovered from something before. It was easy to see that.

"It's nice to be back here, too, Perdita. I have to admit, I really missed this place." Perdita? The waitress's name, I decided. It was an interesting name, more so than my own. She laughed under her breath.

"Soooo, who's you friend?" Their gazes finally shifted to me, but all I could think to do was avoid meeting it by looking down at my shoes. Or at least, if I could see through objects, I would have been able to see them.

"This is Amethyst." I looked up at the woman with the red bobby pins who smiled at me. I reflected her expression, the happiness and the warm smile.

"She's cute. Super cute. How long have you two been together?" L's foot slipped out of his chair and hit the floor. He pulled it back up and regained his balance. I could feel my face turn a whole new shade of red that should never be possible for humans.

"We are not a couple." I signed it as he said it, both of our glares intensely beating down on her. But all the woman did was laugh at us.

"Relax, I'm just kidding. Wait. Was that sign language?" I nodded at her, but L beat me in a response.

"She's mute." And then the conversation seemed to die off as he looked back over at me, trying to get a good glimpse, but never meeting my eyes. I folded my hands again and placed them back in my lap, but then deciding to straighten the ruffles in my skirt one more time.

"I thought that when you finally picked a girl, she would be just as socially awkward as you." The waitress said, all too cheerily. But all he did in response was roll his eyes continue to bite one of his fingernails.

"How have things been since I last stopped by?" He asked it as if it was an easy question. But he didn't seem to really care. But the auburn haired woman seemed to not mind his attitude at all.

"Nothing's really changed at all. So, I'm guessing that you'll have your regular?" The boy with the gloomy gaze was still looking down, but even so he spoke calmly.

"Yes, please." The waitress smiled, not writing anything down as I had seen done before by most. L finally met my gaze, but immediately lowered his own again.

"Extra sugar, as always. And for her?" I thought for a moment, but I wasn't really in the mood for food. But he answered for me.

"She'll just have the same as me." After nodding, the woman practically waltzed away, much too pleased with herself. I looked over at L, whose face was as unreadable as ever. Reaching across the table, I tapped in front of him with my forefinger, trying to get his attention again.

_'Are we really not going to talk about what happened at all?' _His dark eyes shook with something I did not recognize, some emotion I didn't rightly know, but he offered me no answer other than something irrelevant.

"Are you alright with just coffee? That's all I ever get here. But it's good." His voice seemed different than normal, yet all he did was avoid meeting my eyes, sit as though he wanted to be alone, and act differently than I had seen before. The L I had met was strong and capable. But this L was uncomfortable and didn't seem to want to be around people at all. I could relate.

_'Of course.'_ I offered him a smile, but he didn't return it, just gave me a distrusting look and then glanced back down. Never once had I felt so far away from a person I wanted to be close to.


	18. Chapter 17: Past

Author's Note:  
I'm beginning to wonder if this is boring people, so I decided on my own to keep going. All in all, I'm just doing this for no actual reason. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and if it confuses you, please tell me so I can edit it and re-upload it.  
Love to all out there reading this! :D :D  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

My heart was beating much too slowly. My breath came in short bursts, but it was slowly dying and I know that I will soon be next. I stared up at the endless sky, looking into the blue abyss where the clouds should appear to cover this insanity. There was nothing I could do but look up, to wear the tallest towers seemed to melt into the endless eyes of God himself. My vision was becoming blurry. I kept looking up, straining for some kind of purpose, something at the end, something I could find one last glance of truth in.  
My only regret is that I never got to see his eyes again. But it's far too late. And there I remained, lying on the pavement, cuts and wounds all over my body, scorch marks across my legs and a cigarette burn on my throat, bleeding out every bit of my essence, blood on my face, blood. So much crimson soul upon the ground that it hurts.  
The sky begun to grow darker and darker, washing away the innocence of day. My lungs were giving up. No moon greeted me, nothing but a single streak of light, like a tiny tear drop, and I closed my eyes, yearning to let that tear fall, but it didn't. My eyelids were just getting heavier and heavier, bleeding out into the nothingness. For a moment, I did my best to remember the faces of the people who did this, but it's faint. It was only moments before, but my mind had already given up on me.

It only took minutes for life to tear me apart. Not life itself, but two of its creations. One man, whose hair was longer than it needed to be, who slurred all of his words, although I could see he wasn't drunk, one man who dressed solely and dark blue and black, who was bigger than me and stronger, but if he had been alone I could have fought back. The other one of demon's creation was a girl who couldn't have been but two years my senior, with hair the same blue as the fading sky, eyes that were dull, and black leather clothes down until her shoes, which were little more than flats. In her hand, she held a cigarette, burning between her teeth, and that was the moment I knew they were waiting for something. On each of their shoulders, was a stamped tattoo, the girls reading "21" and the man's reading "3". It was the same size and font as the man I'd killed on the day I'd met L, only that man's stamp had been the number one. I had ducked around the corner onto the street that never failed to be empty, but I could hear their footsteps and their voices.

"That was her, wasn't it?" The girl. Her voice was too harsh, too cold, too sure of herself. In a way, she was a perfect example of what I had always wanted to sound like, but life was cruel.

"Has to be." The male's words had sounded more along the lines of another phrase, a phrase that was completely irrelevant, but I didn't even remember back that far to those thoughts. I waited, patiently, for them to come forwards, hearing the steps of the man's boots, counting each one until I knew he would be right there just beside the edge of the building where the streets merged. But the second they stopped walking, I swung out to see, and then I knew I was doomed.

The man had out a switchblade, the girl carried a simple handgun. Her smile was that of crooked teeth and vengeance. If I ran, she would shoot me, but if I stayed, she would shoot me as well. I took the chance and tried to run, but the man grabbed me and slung me forwards onto the concrete. My head hit the ground, causing my thoughts to run together, my actions to become delayed and everything to flow down at once. Had there been a way out, I would have taken it without a question, but the sounds of his laugh drowned out my common sense, as I raised myself up and dealt a blow aimed at the girls face. It hit, and she staggered back a bit, but wiped herself off and loaded her gun. All she had to do was pull the trigger.

"I'd kill you here and now, Little Miss Bounty Hunter, but what'd be the fun in that?" Then came the twisted tooth smile once more before she took aim and shot. The bullet sank in just below my chest, nowhere near my heart, but painful all the same. I couldn't even contemplate it before my body went numb, rushing with adrenaline, propelling me to fight harder.  
But I had already lost the moment my head had hit the pavement. Between the girl rushing forwards every few seconds to punch me and the man with the switch knife, I was already dead and I knew it. Still, I did my best to dodge the blows the man made with his blade, jabbing both me and the air until he made a direct hit to my stomach and drew the blade back out. It was covered in black blood, and I reached down to touch the wound, but the girl shot at me again, the resonance echoing all across the street, but still no one question what might have been happening. This time, it was my hand, but I didn't even have the time to react before he grabbed my already broken shoulder and stabbed it as well. The pain moved through my body like a snake, slithering and trickling down in the form of blood all across my skin. I wanted to die then, but the numbness continued until I could no longer stand straight. They had already won.

"We should leave her. She's as good as dead." The girl had nodded, stomping on my stomach after I crumpled and sending a spasm through my entire body, causing me to cough up a stream of blood that did little more than remain on my lips. The sky seemed so much more inviting, so I looked there and listened to their conversation.

"Still got that cocktail?" Her voice wasn't even the slightest bit amused or regretful. They only wanted me dead.

"I'll light it. You get back and tell Two that we killed her." There was no response other than the sound of shoes leaving a trail of noise as they carried someone far away. The man leaned down and jeered in my face, a cigarette of his own in his mouth. He puffed out a bit of smoke, but my breathing was already to faint for it to matter. He took the cigarette butt and pressed it into the center of my neck, burning the soft skin there. But I had no pain left to feel, so all I did was look up in despair.

I couldn't see what he did next, but I heard the strike of a match and the crashing of glass. When I tried to look over from where the noise had begun, all I could see was flames that had already engulfed an empty old complex, burning it from the insides out. I understood how it felt. Dying.

Death could have been much worse, I decided. My nerves had already stopped feeling the sensation of pain, bleeding out, the flames licking at my fingertips, stab wounds in my chest and a bullet in my stomach. It was nothing but darkness for miles, like every dream of mine, colors fading out until it was all over. It would be over eventually. Before Death I stood, ready to go, and the silence wrapped its feeble arms around me. I could still make out the rush of the fire nearby, and the faint flutter of hurt in my heart. To think that I would die without any meaning. But I knew there was nothing that could save me now.

Looking down at that husk of myself, looking down from the space in between, I saw my own green eyes for the first time. So full of fear, but so hypnotic that it was startling. My face had bruises on it from the blows my attackers had dealt, but it didn't matter now. That body down there was not me. No, I was looking down at the shell where I had once been trapped. So I closed off my vision and gave way to the darkness that I knew was inevitable.

Something pressed against my chest, tugging me back. And then the beautiful serenity that Death provided was gone, all of it. Something pressed against my lips, trying to breathe life back into me. If it had just let me go, I would have been better off. Somewhere in that abyss where freedom was all that mattered. Death would have healed all my mortal wounds. But my consciousness tugged at me, bringing me back, sputtering, breathing abruptly, vision blurry, body cold, and all in all I felt like a zombie. But I made sense of what happened, trying to look up, and there were the eyes again, but they vanished the second air made its way into my lungs and everything spun back into hazy darkness.

* * *

When I woke, it was not to the screams of the fear in my dreams, but to the scent of hospitals and cleanliness and the feeling that someone was holding my hand. My eyes were heavy, but my will was strong and I forced them open to reveal a pale white tiled ceiling.  
Where was I? I sat up, feeling pain rush through my body, dizziness in my head and a fluttering feeling in my stomach. I was dead. I remember that. I was supposed to be dead. Glancing down, there was a hand entwined with my right one. And it belong to the boy with the gray eyes. Immediately, I pulled my hand free, but his eyes were closed, asleep in the chair he sat in. Odd sitting position and all, he seemed at peace. His eyes shot open, suddenly flooding with emotions, yet then his pupils became as wide as before and they went back to being completely soulless.

"You're awake." His voice was scratchy, and his face was paler than I had seen before. But he took my hand again, holding my hand gently, calmly rubbing his thumb against my palm.

_'What?' _I spelled out with my left hand, eyes never straying from his. His gaze was warm this time, but not so much that one could mistake it for any sort of feeling whatsoever.

"I'm sorry. For what I said before. In the café. If I had known what would happen, I wouldn't have said what I did. And for that I am sorry." I blinked, trying to piece together the words he spoke. My head was swimming in drowsiness, fear, and a sleep-like feeling that I could not describe.  
"Eureka found me on the streets and hit me. Screaming about how you never showed up at headquarters and how you weren't at your home. She thought I'd done something to you, but I was completely clueless. She demanded that I take her to you, but I didn't know what was happening. So I helped her look. And she found you first, dead on a street corner. She kept screaming at me to do something, so I did what I could. Your body was still warm, your blood still fresh, I knew you still had time left." He paused, looking for a response out of me. But I gave none. So he continued.

"I did my best to resuscitate you. But you must have wanted to stay dead, because you kept fighting life. You came back at least twice and died before finally giving up and living. Eureka insisted we take you to a hospital, so here we are. You were unconscious for twenty hours. And one more thing you should probably know." He turned over my wrist and pointed to the long scar running up the length of my arm. The scar that had long since turned white, the scar that was too perfect to have been caused accidentally. The scar that once bled fresh blood but had now run dry.  
"You're better than this. I'll go find Eureka for you. She'll want to know that you're alright." L raises my hand to his lips and kissed it softly before letting go and proceeding to move out of the room.  
I wished I could have yelled after him. Told him to come back. Told him about what Death was really like. Warned him. But what I really wanted to see was his eyes, for back there in my memory, that faint nothingness that was almost gone, I could still remember looking up into his gray eyes, full of love and hurt with my blood on his lips, doing his very best to bring me back from the darkness to which I had once been heading.


	19. Chapter 18: Past

**Then:**

"Do you trust him?" The question came out of nowhere, going from me explaining to Eureka how I had come to be so injured, to her asking such an irrelevant question. To be honest, I didn't know the answer. My friend was staring at the IV in my arm, eyes wide and innocent, sort of like a child. Well, I was actually younger than her, and that made it all the more amusing. I was still stuck in the hospital, still stuck here in this place of sickness and death. Still stuck here with a needle in my arm and someone else's blood being mixed in with my own. My cuts had all been stitched up, my blood replaced as it began to pump for itself again. I felt drowsy, my body was numb. But still I listened to Eureka, answering her questions with certainty.

_'If you mean L, then my answer is yes. If you don't, then I have no idea.' _She nodded and poked the needle with her forefinger. I winced and she drew back.

"Sorry. And yeah, of course I meant L. That reminds me! Did he tell you I kicked his ass again?" I blinked and glared at my friend. She kept on smiling as if that wasn't an abnormal statement.

_'No, he didn't mention it.' _Eureka grinned, seeing the opportunity to tell her story about beating a detective with beautiful eyes senseless. Wait. Beautiful eyes? Where did that come from?

"Well, you didn't show up, and I went out looking for you but you wouldn't answer my messages and you weren't at you're house. So I started looking around the streets, and then I see that idiot just standing on the sidewalk, looking sooo pleased with himself. And, naturally, I can assume that he kidnapped you or some shit, because he just looks like a creepy rapist, so yeah, I punched him. He's got a bruise now." She seemed so amused by this that I couldn't help but laugh at her expression. Eureka went back to staring at the needle in my arm.

_'So instead of asking him if he'd seen me, which he had, you punched him in the face.' _I signed, raising my eyebrow and then flicking Eureka in the forehead. She rubbed the spot in response.

"Pretty much, yeah. Why were you hanging out with him in the first place?" I looked down, feeling my face already turning red. Eureka stared at me in disbelief.  
"No. You do not have a crush on that serial rapist, do you?" I swatted her on the shoulder. She did not look very amused by this.  
"Am, he'll rape you." I hit her even harder, but she just grabbed my wrist and smiled. "Nah, he probably won't rape you. If you didn't care, you would have laughed it off and agreed with me. Somebody's in looooooooooooove." She squeaked it mockingly, tapping my nose wither her finger like I'd done something wrong.

_'What is it with you and comparing strange people to rapists? It's just rude.' _This conversation was already taking a turn for the worse.

"Relax, Am. I'm just kidding. He seems nice enough, I mean, yeah he's sorta creepy, but you guys would make an adorable couple." I made a gagging motion and Eureka snickered.  
"Why don't you tell me about…..hmm….Do you wanna play checkers? I can go find a board." She asked the question overexcitedly. I rolled my eyes and nodded my answer, and my blonde friend shot out of her chair into a random pose before bolting out of the room. I shook my head, even though I knew it was much too late for either of us.

At least I had a little bit of quiet for a while. Sighing, I leaned back against the wall that the back of the hospital bed was pushed up against. What was I to do now that I was alive? Now that I was safe, where was I to go? I couldn't keep killing people, because that would just draw even more unwanted attention to me. I couldn't keep going on doing nothing, it was too boring and time consuming. Not to mention lonely.

"She sure is energetic, isn't she?" His voice traveled from the doorway to me so easily, but there couldn't be more space between us. I inhaled sharply, doing my best not to blush or flinch.

_'Eureka's something else. But she's also my best friend. And she thinks you look like a rapist.' _L blinked his unfeeling eyes and cocked his head, looking like a confused puppy. It was actually sort of cute. I fought the urge to beat that thought out of my head.

"I've heard creeper, murderer, and pervert, but never rapist. That one's new. How are you feeling?" He moved across the room to the empty chair where my friend was sitting before and climbed into it awkwardly, crouching rather than sitting. I only watched, having no response to this. But then he looked up at me again and my face turned red again.

_'I'm okay. What about you? Eureka said she punched you.' _L nodded, black hair shaking with his head as well.

"She did. But it's fine now." He reached across the small space between the chair and me and took my hand again. Turning my wrist over like he had earlier, he placed his fingers at the base of the scar.  
"Did you do this?" His voice was quiet, slow, and deep.

_'It was from a long time ago.' _I signed the words without a thought. I hadn't denied the question. His expression was even more difficult to read than normally.

"I think you're fascinating, you know? You hunt humans for a living, have never gotten caught, you're covered in scars, but yet you're still beautiful." He whispered, his face straight, and his eyes not meeting mine. Beautiful? I shoved all the things I wanted to say down inside of me and moved my hand away from his.

_'This scar was the last of many cuts and the only one to linger. I have healed since then. Do not make it more difficult for me.' _L took my hand again and I shot a glare at him.

"I'm trying to give you a compliment. You are strong. You beat death. Just take the compliment, alright?" His eyes stared at me, wide and expecting me to do something. But I remained still, watching him until he looked away, still holding my hand. "I'm glad that you're alright. I thought you were gone." I froze up at that. He thought I was gone? Why did I even matter to someone like him? Blinking, I tried to pull my hand away again, but he gripped it tighter, head hung low. He didn't think I was weak, I realized, he just needed to hold someone's hand.  
So I allowed him to. He kept his head hung low, breathing sharply, eyes close, never meeting my gaze again until Eureka came bursting through the door, holding a checkers board and a bag of pieces. He tore himself away from me and wrapped his arms around his legs to the sound of my friend's mocking: "I see your boyfriend is back, Am. Maybe he can play winner."


	20. Chapter 19: Past

Author's Note:  
So, I've been on a writing streak lately, mostly planning, and I'm making some images for this, too!  
Please remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed! (Otherwise I might assume you died ._. )  
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this :D :D  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

Brandon and Nicola came to visit me while I was in the hospital. Eureka remained on the defensive and watched their every move, especially Brandon's, who was working harder and harder to gain back the trust he had lost. L remained crouched in his chair near me. While Nicola was freaking out over my scars and Brandon was asking about the burn mark on my throat, I saw the dark-eyed boy curling his hands into fists until his knuckles had turned white. His eyes remained fixed on Brandon and his light hair and amber eyes. If it was jealousy, L was not doing a very good job of hiding it.

Brandon had pulled out another chair and sat down in it, folding his hands and leaning forwards to see me. Eureka pushed him back in his chair and snarled before moving to my left and glancing across at L. They seemed to have a mutual agreement. Keep Brandon away from me. At least they were starting to get along.

Nicola asked me about who had attacked me, and I explained about the man I had been paid to kill. But they had a short attention span, and barely paid attention to me at all. Eureka, on the other hand, translated my story with ease for them to listen to, the uncultured freaks. But they didn't seem to notice L in the corner, even though I kept looking over at him again and again, seeing his calm face and gloomy eyes. He had been forgotten already.

"So now what?" Eureka asked the question I had been thinking about all the while I'd been here. No one responded for a while, but we all had the same thought. If this was putting us in danger, then we had to stop. L looked up from his space apart from the rest of us, his hands still clenched and his eyes still forever cold.

"I think we should just stick to negotiating. If Amethyst is now legally dead, then it won't be a problem. If not, then we go into hiding. Seems simple enough." Nicola offered us her plan, and I nodded. Just to give her the satisfaction of knowing she had done something. But it seemed like a solid idea, and I was alright with disappearing for a while.

"No. That's what everyone would expect from you. You find out your leader is dead and then you go into hiding. It'd be too easy for them to track you down. Trust me on this one. You three continue as if nothing happened." L spoke louder than normally, and I saw Brandon cringe at the sound of his voice. Nicola blinked confusedly, but Eureka seemed to be the only person to understand.

"So just act like she's dead, even though she's not and she'd still be able to be around us as long as she was careful when she went outside. Makes enough sense, I guess." Her voice was bright, mostly pleased that she figured out something before the other two. My gaze flickered between Brandon and L, noticing the piercing hatred from Brandon's amber eyes directed at the paler boy.

_'But if I can't help, and they're expecting my house to be empty, what am I supposed to do?'_ I signed my words carefully, watching their responses. Nicola's eyes were blank, and Brandon looked confused. Only Eureka and L could understand me. L must have noticed this, since he squinted at them while his eyes flickered back and forth, and for the first time since I met him, he moved his hands to sign his own response.

_'It's not that easy. But, if you'd let me, I might be able to help.' _His hands were clumsy, unpracticed for signing, yet it was easy to distinguish what it was he wanted to say. I nodded my approval, our eyes meeting again. This time, though, he put his hands down and stared at me. I looked away first.

"So, we've got a plan. Now, on to the fact that Amethyst is probably high on painkillers right now." Eureka laughed, smacking her hands together, amused at her own joke. A while ago, I might have laughed along with her, but now that the drugs were wearing off, I was starting to regain a little bit of seriousness.

"How much did they give you?" Nicola asked. I stared at her for a moment, before shrugging. My shoulders felt a bit heavier since the numbness had died off.

"Don't ask stupid questions like that. She probably was high for a while. She might even be high right now." Brandon joined in with the taunting, smiling mockingly. Managing to keep a straight face, I glared at Eureka who was now cracking up at what she had started.

"You have a very interesting choice in friends." L muttered from his seat. I snickered at that, covering up my already reddening face. Why did that happen every time he talked? No one else seemed to notice, they were too busy commenting how I must have been addicted. Rolling my eyes at my friends, I couldn't help but smile at this.

* * *

When Brandon and Nicola left, I had Eureka go and get me something to eat from the cafeteria. She invited L to come with her, and I could see confliction in his eyes for some reason, but he calmly refused the offer. My blonde friend had simply narrowed her eyes in a way that read off 'Oh, I see.' She continued to skip out of the room, laughing the entire way.

He took my hand again the second she left, fascinated by the white scar running up my arm. His eyes always widened when they saw it, and it hurt a bit. But it wasn't a terrified fascination. No, it amazed him. And I wasn't sure why.  
"Scars tell the world your story." He whispered it, leading my hand to a place on his neck, and there I felt the smooth skin on the back of it. But there was a torn piece of skin, either from a burn or a cut, hidden by his hair. I flinched when I touched it, but after a second my fingers became used to the feel of it. It was a nasty scar, far worse than my own dainty scratch. Drawing back, I looked at him. Him and his expressionless face.  
"So….what is your story?" L asked, voice deep and soft. I paused, not responding. He offered me half smile and spoke again. "You don't have to tell me yet, but promise that you will eventually. I'll tell you about mine as well." Was he serious?

_'My story is too long to sign. I'll write it down for you, if you want.' _I signed. This seemed to be enough for him, as he nodded and touched the scar on my arm again.

"You're lucky, you know? If I was dying, no one would save me." He smiled, but it was an ironic one and it melted off his face the second he realized it was showing.

_'I would.' _It was a risky thing to admit, but I did. L's eyes turned into a conflicted stare again. It stung, to see it. But I accepted this. He was holding my hand again, for no reason at all. L was a strange person, this much I had known since the second I saw him. The way he acted, the way he spoke. But he had a quality that I needed. He was able to act upon his emotions, no matter how far down he pushed them. If only I could do the same. I squeezed his hand softly, twining our fingers together. He cocked his head again, either confused as to what I was doing or why I was doing it.  
The truth was, I didn't know the answer to that myself. I just knew I wanted to hold his hand. I wasn't sure why, but I did. Maybe Eureka was right. It's not strange for a person like me to want to know love. It's not, not at all.  
Angels and demons are much the same, and I was just a demon in love with an angel. And angel with sad, soulless eyes, and dark hair to match.


	21. Chapter 20: Past

Author's Note:  
Wow. So, this is the longest fanfiction I've ever kept going. So proud of myself right now, just for posting this ;~;. Anyways, it is time for Am to tell her story.  
Remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed, have a comment, or just any tips to keep this interesting. :D :D  
Love to all out there reading this!  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

I slept soundly for once, never awakened by dreams. Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was the endless serenity I seemed to have now. In the hospital, where the lights stayed on until after I was asleep, where the nurses were kind and kept their hair in buns, it was easy for me to relax. They kept me on painkillers until I made them stop, positive I could be fine. I was wrong. My muscles were screaming for relief, to move, to do something to make the aches stop. It was getting stronger in my head, but I blocked out the noise.

When a nurse with black hair came to check on me a little after one a.m., I asked for some paper and a pen. The look on her face was confused, but she came back with a stack of paper and a blue ink pen. I smiled and uncapped the writing utensil, making a few marks on the page. The nurse handed me a clipboard and I mouth my thank you, unsure if she could speak sign language or not. Her smile was pristine and white, and when she left she turned the light back on, hurting my eyes, but making it easier to see.

I was alone in the room. Alone. And I had a promise to fulfill. Letting out a deep sigh, I readied the pen and began to write down the story I had promised the soulless angel.

_Before I was born, my mother was diagnosed with a disease called Crystal Lung Disease. It is hereditary. In fact, it's gone dormant in my lungs as of today, and I'm safe for now. But it was killing her. The crystals in her lungs were attacking the rest of her body, and they were attacking an unborn me. I ended up with a lot of genetic issues, like my hair and my voice. I still had my voice, but it was so scratchy and near useless. And my hair. Well, you already see my hair.  
My mother died two days after giving birth to me, leaving me to my father. My father was not the best man in the world. He was a good father, though, at least for a while. He taught me to speak as soon as he could, taught me to understand words and write beautifully, and he taught me to sing. I used to sing like a choir, I used to be able to do so many things. But when I turned four, the disease I got from my mother became inflamed. I was so young, and so sick. My father used to sit next to me while I coughed and cried. We were always in the hospital, and I was always sick. One day, I woke up and I wasn't in pain. The doctors called it a miracle. But the disease had gone dormant. And that meant it could come back any day. The worst part was what I learned next. My voice was never coming back._

_During the recovery, I learned sign language with ease, memorizing the words I could now learn, the beauty of it all. But my father refused to learn it. He refused to look at me. And I never knew why. I took the knives from the kitchen and cut my arms to get him to look, but my father never did. He didn't care about me anymore, and I was positive he never would again. _

_I spent four more years in silence before I met Eureka. She lived down the street from me and was always getting into trouble. But she liked talking to me, she liked watching me sign letters and explain things that way. She liked passing notes to communicate with me. And she was okay with me the way I was. But she had no family. Whatever she says, or said, she didn't have much, but she was happy. I was always jealous of that. I had so much, but I was never happy the way she was. She'd been taking care of herself for so long, I think it was reassuring to know that someone cared about her. _

_When we were ten, we left and ran away. We weren't sure where we were going, but we ended up here. We didn't have a lot, so we immediately knew our plan was bust. But I couldn't go back. My father would never have accepted this. And Eureka needed to escape from all that before. I stayed because my friend needed a new life. The least I could do was help her out. _

_After I turned fourteen, the two of us met Nicola. She was younger than us and came from a wealthy family. She had everything she ever wanted, and I never trusted her. She was too perfect. But Eureka made an effort to be her friend, so I did as well. She was a nice person, and fun to be around, but when it came down to it, Nicola was the last piece we needed to get our lives back on track. We talked to her about it, and a year later, we became an investigation team.  
At least, that was what we called ourselves. We knew we were just bounty hunters, but it was nice. At first, we used our real names. I had changed my own to Amethyst some time before, but the others hadn't changed theirs. After a few run-ins with the police and killing off a large group of people, we decided it was better to work from the shadows. _

_So, by the time I was seventeen, we had started up our own office type situation. We recruited people to work for us, at a good pay, and most volunteered. It was an easy way to make money, and the job itself was fun. People came in and paid us a decent amount to kill off people for them. The operation made us rich, actually. We could finally live on our own, so we stayed on the team.  
A few months ago, just before I turned eighteen, we were told about L. The mysterious mastermind that had control to the police force of the world. Were we afraid? No, but I should have been. And when the threat of L grew closer and closer, I started to snap. _

_It was a stupid thing to freak out over, something like that. But I did. No one else seemed to notice. I even hired a man named Brandon to help out with our jobs. He earned just as much as anyone else, but he acted superior. Eureka hated him, Nicola liked him, but I only needed the extra protection when working alone. _

_And then, I met L face to face. He was so much different than I would have ever thought, and I knew something was off about him. He followed me, asked questions, and tried to get me to answer. So I did. _

_That's all there is to it. My story was never that long anyways. Eighteen years is not a lot of time for someone to live. Maybe one day there will be more to this story. Maybe. _

I paused, looking down at the words I had scrawled. Sighing, I wrote the name 'Amethyst' at the bottom. But after a moment, I decided it just wasn't worth faking my name again. So I took the pen and scratched out the alias I always used, and wrote my real name instead. The name my mother had given me. It didn't feel right, it didn't fit me. But I wrote it down, folded up the paper and put the cap back on the pen.  
No one would ever see this but me. Some promises can never be kept, I decided.


	22. Chapter 21: Past

Author's Note:  
Apparently this site thinks it's amusing to glitch out my writing...Well, yeah.  
I saw I finally got another review! This pleases me ^_^  
Anyways, remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed! :D :D It would be greatly appreciated!  
This was shorter than I meant it to be, but oh well. :/  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

On my final day in the hospital, all of my stitches were removed. I couldn't remember the exact number, but I knew it was a lot. It was amazing, how badly my body used to look from all the blood loss, and then the black stitches that made my skin look even uglier, but now that it was clean and smooth again. I never knew that humans were so interesting. We get hurt over and over and over, we die but yet we can be brought back. It doesn't just apply to wounds, our minds and souls are the same. Humans are just as interesting as demons, I thought.

The nurses helped me stand and walk, but my limbs were weak and my heart was too frail now. I just wasn't ready. I sat down, collapsing onto the hospital bed, while the women in scrubs tried to comfort me. It was no use, my body had given up. It wasn't ready to be normal again. I wasn't good enough. I just couldn't do it. The nurses gave me more painkillers and carried me to a wheelchair, a black wheelchair that I resented. But then I looked down at my arms and legs and I could see bones, and then I cried even more. It wasn't that I didn't want to move, I was just too weak.

Eureka insisted on helping me home, even though I was positive I could do it myself. But maybe she was right, and I just needed someone to help me. I was useless. A shell of a girl that I used to be, only weeks ago before all of this. I started crying on the way out, nothing could have stopped that. There was fear in my mind and my heart, just nothing I could do at all. Eureka tried to comfort me, telling me that she'd take care of me no matter what, telling me she'd always be my friend no matter what I looked like or acted like. But she knew as well as I did, it was pointless to pretend. I might not recover, but I had to. I had to.

L and Brandon were waiting in the lobby for us, and it surprised me to see them in the same place willingly. I could see the tension between the two of them, and snorted, seeing how opposite they really were. On one hand, there was Brandon, strong and confident with amber eyes, only there because he was told to be. On the other, there was L. I wasn't even sure why he was here in the first place, yet I saw his eyes flickering menacingly at the amber-eyed boy who came immediately to push the wheelchair that carried me. I tugged the sleeves of my hoodie down, it had been a long time since I'd worn it, and I missed it so much. All I did was drink in the security it provided, the peace I truly needed. I almost started crying again, but Eureka laughed and skipped ahead of me, commenting that I had an entourage now. I was supposed to laugh as well, but all I did was look down at my useless limbs.

I wished L would have stayed away. He was making it more and more difficult for me to cry, staying close and watching me calmly until Eureka pulled her own gray car around for me. She had gotten it over a year ago, but this was the first time I'd ever seen her drive it. It was almost startling to think that she even had a vehicle other than her old motorbike she kept in the garage. I tried to stand and fumbled, L catching me almost instantly and bringing me back to my feet. His touch was gentle, and I hated myself for having such a thought. Giving him a resentful look, I nodded my thank you as Brandon opened the door of the car.

Life had never been so dull, never so bleak. The boy with dark hair stood still, as if waiting for me to do something. If he had been expecting some sort of emotion out of me, he got nothing. As soon as I was seated, he blinked again and turned away, starting to walk down the sidewalk. I heard Eureka yell and hop out of the driver's seat, and chase him down. They were too far away for me to hear their conversation, but I didn't care enough to listen in either. Brandon groaned from the passenger seat, continuing to screech out the window at my friend. She was supposed to be driving. This was so tiring, this stupid life and my stupid mind and everything.

Had I not been exhausted, I would have tried to stop Brandon and Eureka from arguing the entire ride back. Yet, the only thing I could think about was how if I could ever be the same person I used to be. Some people could snap back just like that, but not me. It took me ten years to get over who I was as a child, and it had taken me only a few hours to get past the thought that I had died. That was somehow easier for me to accept than my old life. I stared out the window for a while, trying to remember where we were and who I was supposed to be now.


	23. Chapter 22: Past

Author's Note:  
So, I run all my chapters by a couple of people before I post them, and I'm over here cracking up at their responses and no one else gets why I'm laughing.  
Completely irrelevant to anything and everything. I've noticed how random my author's notes usually are...does that bother anyone or no?  
Anyways, please remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed! :D :D  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

The streets of the city were lonely, with the murky skies looming over the tops of buildings, people going about their daily lives, never afraid of anything. In the days since I had begun to get my strength back, I had seen less and less of L. It should have been a good thing, but all I wanted was to see him again. Then, when he did show up, I just wanted him gone. And all I did then was want him to come back.

What a stupid emotion, I decided, talking inside my head to no one. I was seated on an old metal bench that had once been painted blue, but now had begun to rust and peel off. The hood of my jacket was covering most of my face as I slumped over, staring at my shoes. Sighing, I raised my gaze to point across the street at nothing.  
This was all just absolutely pointless, like everything had been since my brush with death. It wasn't much of a fight, they had told me. I was barely breathing and barely even alive when they found me. L said I was dead. He told me I was gone. I must have been, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew what true oblivion felt like. Since then, I had been unable to sleep without medication. It was just too much like death. Just too much like giving up. So I had to force myself to do such things.

I leaned back on the bench and tilted my head up towards the cloud filled gray nothingness called 'sky'. This entire world looked pointless to me. Most people who faced death and lived valued every moment. Nope. Not me, I just needed a reason to stay linked here so Death wouldn't take me instead. I was here for some stupid reason, and I would just have to deal with it until then.

"Amethyst?" I nearly jumped, jolting up and looking to my right where the voice had originated. Taking in a deep breath, I stared motionlessly up at him and his pale eyes. Why was I so interested in them? "Can I sit here?" L asked me, not even waiting for me to do anything besides scoot over so he could climb onto the seat.

_'Why do you sit like that?'_ I signed, praying my face wasn't already turning a shade of red. The boy with black hair only blinked and looked over at me.

"Honestly, it just helps me think. If you want me to sit normally, I could do that as well." I shook my head in response. L's gaze flickered from me to across the street at a bus stop with a brand new bench. Why they had replaced that one and not the one that needed it, I had no idea.

_'Are you still following me?' _He watched me sign my words in silence, his head cocked and eyes wider than before.

"Not so much as you'd think. Did you ever write down your story like I asked?" I froze. The honest answer: Yes. The answer I considered giving: No. Yet, he gave me no reason to lie to him, so I nodded and reached into my pocket, pulling out the folded piece of paper. I handed it to him, and L didn't open it. Instead, he held it in his hand simply and paid it no mind.

_'It's your turn.' _Some part of me wanted him to tell me who he really was. It wasn't just because then I'd know L's real name, no, I was just curious. But all he did was point across the street at the opposing bus stop and smile a half smile.

"I suppose I could start there." He put his hand down and shifted a bit in his seat. I raised my eyebrow, watching what he was doing. He glanced over to me, continuing to move over enough so he could pull my hood away from my face. Flinching, I pulled it back up. His face was straight, but I could see irritation in his eyes. I groaned internally and let him move my hood down again.

"Do you see that bus stop over there?" I looked across the street and nodded in response to his words, but he wasn't watching. "Well, I can only tell you so much about me. But I can start there. I came here to America once, a little over a year ago, and this was the town I stayed in. it was rapidly growing every day, and I managed to get lost a lot." He paused for a moment, making sure I was still listening before continuing.  
"Anyways, that was the first time I saw you." My eyes went wide.

_'You've been following me for a year? That's really creepy, you know?'_ I signed frantically, but he ignored it and offered a half smile instead.

"I wasn't following you, I just looked across the street and….there you were, sitting on the bench and reading a book. Strange. It wasn't just your hair that made you stand out, I could see the smile on your face as you read, the joy you got out of things like that. It was just interesting to me. Fascinating. Meeting people is not something I'm good at, you know?" I bit back a laugh at that. There was no denying that he could use some work in social skills.

_'But still. That is a very, very creepy thing to say.' _He shrugged.

"To be honest for a minute, I never stopped thinking about you even after I left. It was the strangest thing that had ever happened to me, and I just couldn't make sense of it. And then, to come back in search of the growing nuisance, Amethyst, only to find out it was you…..I was….happy…but…also I was nervous and terrified and just so happy. Because I got to see you again. It's one of those really weird things you just can't control. People are weird." Nodding, I looked down at my feet, doing my very best not to let our eyes meet again.  
"Can I test something?" His hand touched my own, but I moved away. I could hear him sigh. Letting out a deep breath of air, I turned to face him again, but he was looking away. I couldn't sign anything, he wouldn't see it. His face was tilted a bit, his eyes pointed towards the skies in a strange way. Everything about him was anything but normal, but it was also sort of what made him so interesting to me. I tapped his shoulder so he would turn and look.

_'If you are trying to tell me something with some point behind it, could you maybe say that first next time?'_ L's stare was cold, piercing almost, but also curious.

"Tell me this; Are you afraid of love?" Slowly, I nodded my response. He frowned. "I thought so. That's why you won't listen to me. You're afraid. And shy. And worried I don't feel the same." I felt all of my skin prickle and burn with embarrassment, but he was telling the truth. Somewhere inside, I was afraid. But not just of him, of things that should be feared.  
"Don't be afraid. Things aren't always crystal clear, Amethyst. Sometimes you get confused and turned around, but you always end up in the right place, right?" It was a rhetorical question, but I still nodded. He wasn't looking at me anyways.  
"I'm happy to see you're feeling better. I'm happy to see you at all." I let out a sigh, just loud enough to be heard so that L would wait for me to sign something.

_'When you read what I wrote, you might judge me. So, just, remember that I'm still alive. I wrote that when I thought I was going to die. There's still places to fill in, things I haven't done yet.'_ When I looked back over to him, he was sitting normally, both feet on the ground, watching me. Like he was trying to understand me. But some things can never be understood. Still, I felt and urge to be closer. I fought it down and folded my hands.

"Like? What things haven't you done yet?" I was scarcely aware that he was getting closer to me. I didn't answer, just kept my eyes on him, seeing what he was trying to do. What game he was trying to convince me to play. Yet, his eyes never left mine.

_'Well. I'm like you, almost. You strike me as the kind of person who never falls in love. And I wish I was more like that.' _He blinked in confusion for a moment.

"Why would you ever want to be? Life is boring, don't you think? Why not enjoy it while you have the chance?" His words were hushed, his body so close to mine that I almost wanted to move away. I didn't.

_'Because. Life is full of people like you. And I'm sick of people like that.' _The comment was meant to be hurtful, but he didn't even notice. L was too busy watching my expression and my eyes. I was beginning to feel a little more uncomfortable.

"Can I test something?" He asked for the second time. Reluctantly, I nodded. His hand moved to my chin, directing my lips to his. My eyes widened, but I accepted this. He kissed me softly at first, then stronger. I remained still for a split second before I kissed him back. My own hands leapt up to cup his face, not wanting this to end. Slowly, his hand moved to my shoulder, remaining there for a moment before he drew away entirely.

"Interesting." He murmured. I could see his lips shaking when he formed the word. He readjusted his sitting position so he was back to the other side of the bench, crouching again.

_'Are you trying to test me or something?' _I asked the question calmly, but my nostrils flared.

"I'm actually testing myself. Maybe…..I'm testing both of us. I kissed you, you kissed me back. How interesting." I reached to pull my hood back over my head, but he reached over and held it down.  
"Don't do that. I like to see your eyes." His voice kept getting softer and softer. But I could still feel my face burning, my heart pounding and my mind whirling with all these thoughts I couldn't process.


	24. Chapter 23: Past

Author's Note:  
This is incredibly random, but I am counting down the chapters until I get to write the scene I'm so excited for *squeals*  
But I can't say anything else...  
Anyways, please remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed! It would be awesome to hear what anyone thinks about this story :D :D  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

For the first few weeks after I left the hospital, Eureka had been staying with me to "take care of me", but in reality all she did was manage to keep me from hurting myself and bring me food. I wasn't sick, I was just recovering. And after the whole incident with L and kissing him, I needed to recover a little bit more.

I was curled up on the couch, pretending to read Aesop's Fables again. It was the only book I had ever really retained throughout all the years. We had stolen a few from my father to sell once, but I had taken an instant liking to this one. It didn't seem full of nonsense like the other books, this one made sense. And the fact that it took what other people thought was fantasy and made it into something that even the smallest child could understand. Well, that just made it all the more appealing.

Halfway through the page about the Lion's Den and the Fox, Eureka hopped over the edge of the couch to see what I was doing. At least she had finally decided to not wear shoes in the house.

"Still reading that? Really?" She flopped down on the other end and stretched her legs out. I glared at her and moved her feet of the cushion.

_'Yes. I like it.' _She rolled her eyes and stood up again. Eureka had always had a short attention span unless otherwise needed. Something about that was incredibly irritating, especially when you tried to explain something to her only to find out that she wasn't listening at all.

"I'm gonna make some lunch, what do you want?" I could hear her feet moving into the other room, so it was pointless to even offer a response. But, I put down the book, seeing as the Fox had already realized the Lion was going to eat him, I figured I could come back to it later.  
My couch was the only thing in this room, with the exception of me and a wide glass window that spread across almost the entire wall. This room was the furthest back, and the window pointed out to a place where there was once a garden and an empty lot, but now it had been remodeled into more houses. The couch faced the window now, but I always moved it if I got uncomfortable or felt it didn't fit. Mine, this house, was the smallest in the area, and quite frankly the strangest. There was an upstairs, but there was only one room up there, a bedroom with a connecting bathroom. I knew some of the other places were like this, but it was odd to me. As for downstairs, there were just two rooms, a kitchen and a living room that held nothing but a couch and me reading a book. The kitchen was on the other side of the staircase, which was in front of the front door, but the only way to get to get in was through the doorway in this room.

"Hey, Am! You like tomato soup?" Eureka's voice called from the kitchen. There was a door in between the two rooms, and I was extremely grateful for that. Sighing, I folded down the page I was on and covered my ears. I could still hear her attempting to find something to eat. After about four weeks, you start to either get used to or sick of living with your best friend. Or both. Both is always an option in this case.

The doorbell rang, silencing all hope that anything would be quiet today. It was probably just Nicola or Brandon again. I opened the book again and held it over my face. Nope, nothing could ever be normal for five minutes. Eureka opened the door between here and the kitchen and stared at me. I glanced over to her, but held the book in front of my face so she couldn't see.

"Next time you want to get out of doing stuff, remember to unfold the page corner." She growled and moved to answer the door. I peeked over the edge of the pages, silently unfolding the corner. Eureka spun and looked at me before she opened the door and I hunkered down, pretending to be hidden. She rolled her eyes and the doorbell rang again.

I looked back down at the book, absentmindedly listening to Eureka growling and answering the door with irritation. Foxes are smarter than lions, at least that's what I'd learned from this story. Or, at least, foxes knew how to make sure they didn't get themselves killed.

"Hey, Am. There's someone here to see you. Which is weird and disturbing, but true." She called and I heard the door shut. Still not looking up from my book, I flipped the pages.  
"Amethyst. L's here. If you want, I can kick him out." Immediately, my gaze shot up to see if she was lying. Unfortunately, she was not. Her arms were crossed and her face was straight, L was standing inside with his hands in his pockets, eyes fixed on the floor. I could see that much through the doorway. Groaning, I folded down the next page to keep my spot and waved them in. Eureka scowled and gestured to L as if to say; 'You're okay with this?' Either way, I didn't care. This was still interrupting my reading time.

"I just came to see how she was." He muttered, walking forwards after Eureka scowled at him. She followed him into the room and I tossed the book onto the floor.

"Hey, if you rip that, I'm not buying you another." Eureka growled at me, obviously uncomfortable that L was here. That made two of us. She pointed to the couch, telling him to sit. His gaze was blank, and I watched this carefully, their silent battle. This was interesting to me. I sat up straight, waiting for one of them to move, but they didn't.

"I wasn't going to stay long." L said. His voice was confident, trying to prove he meant no harm.

"Doesn't matter. I know you were trailing us, but you don't think it's weird just to show up without an invitation?" Eureka's glare looked almost evil.

"No, no I didn't. Stranger things have happened." I saw my friend roll her eyes and glance over at me, hunkered down, eyes barely over the edge of the couch, watching them. She raised her eyebrow at me.

"This is true. But, as you can see, Amethyst is completely fine. You can leave." He turned away from her and looked over to me, taking a few steps closer. He squinted, staring at my eyes again.

"I suppose you're right. Tell me, Amethyst, are you feeling better than you were yesterday?" And now he was bringing up yesterday. I noticed a slight grin on his face, but it was suppressed.

"What happened yesterday?" Eureka asked, stepping in between the two of us.

"I'm surprised she didn't tell you, but, it's not an easy thing to admit, now is it?" Both of them looked to me, probably assuming I'd have something to say in this situation. I looked down at the floor before turning around to grab my book off the floor.

"Am, you got something to say?" I shook my head, trying not to laugh. Eureka cocked her head, but then realized what she said. "That's not what I meant. What happened yesterday? I thought you went for a walk."

"She did." L offered an answer for me, but my friend snarled at him.

"Nobody asked you, stalker." She folded her arms again, still staring at him. He blinked, his dark eyes looking very confused.

"I really don't see how 'stalker' is an insult, but I prefer 'extensive researcher'." His voice was calm, like it wasn't a joke, when in reality I'm sure it was.

"That's even worse, but whatever. So, what did happen?" I paused, thinking about what I could sign in response. Of course, the boy with black hair answered for me.

"I kissed her. That's all." Eureka took in a deep breath and stared at him.

"Alright, look. Amethyst is my best friend, she's basically my sister. If you use her for your own selfish gain, I will personally break every bone in your body and use the inside of your skull as a salsa bowl, okay? Are. We. Clear." She said every word in an angered voice, arms folded. He took a step backwards.

"Threats won't get you anywhere, and it's not a selfish gain. But yes, I understand that you want to protect your friend." My face was burning. They were talking about me like I didn't even exist, as if I wasn't listening to every word they were saying.

"Now, onto more important matters….You guys kissed and didn't tell me?" Her attitude immediately went from being a psychopathic mother to being an obsessive friend.

"Yes." L stated it as if it was nothing at all.

"But you aren't a couple." Her gaze flickered between the two of us. I shook my head at the same time L stated the same answer I gave.  
"You should be." Eureka said with a pouting face on. "Well, now that that's out of the way, I'm going to make some soup. Mr. Stalker over here is welcome to stay, I guess. But no kissing behind my back, okay?" She said cheerily before darting back into the kitchen.

"Why does she always call me a stalker?" He walked around the edge of the couch and took a seat. Still sitting oddly, like an owl almost, I noticed. All I did was shrug for a second.

_'Because you know where both of us live. And followed us around. And keep showing up all the time.' _He smiled a little, but it vanished.

"Well, I was just making sure I could trust you two. Not sure about Eureka, though. She's…..odd." I glared at him, but he didn't seem to notice. Sighing, I opened my book again and began to read about a jackdaw that was foolish enough to believe it was beautiful when it was fake.


	25. Chapter 24: Past

Author's Note:  
I'm having way too much fun writing this.  
Please remember to leave a review if you read an enjoyed! :D :D  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

"While you pointed out that it's odd, I don't see any reason to do that." L muttered to Eureka. I sat motionlessly on the ground, clutching a cup of tea, watching the two of them battle it out with a checkers game. Today, I didn't feel up to playing, but my blonde friend had demanded that I at least do something. The black haired boy had immediately taken this as a challenge, but Eureka was obviously going to lose. Based on how I'd seen her attempt this game, there was no doubt she would lose, in fact.

"Come oooooooon, you know you guys would be adorable together." I took a sip of iced tea, still intrigued by how well L played. He seemed to know every possible move Eureka could make, and always beat her there. The checker board was almost empty already, and they had only been playing for about ten minutes.

"No." He said it for the tenth time, but my friend still wouldn't accept his answer. She folded her arms, refusing to take her turn at the game.

"Amethyst is sitting right there, don't you think that might hurt her feelings? Let's ask her." My attention snapped up from the checker board to Eureka, who was now looking at me.

I was sitting cross legged on the floor, like my friend was, but she faced the game and I was only watching. L, on the other hand, looked like he wasn't really sitting down, holding himself up above the ground and staring at the board. A while ago, Eureka had refused to let me not play, insisting that we could play a tournament as long as L was there, but I refused. I wasn't going to play a game with someone who could predict every movement I could make.

"Would that hurt your feelings, Am?" Eureka asked me, giving me an innocent look like it was an easy question to answer. The truth was; it did. But only a little. The fact that L would refuse to acknowledge me, or us for that matter, as if we were in a relationship, it stung. At the same time, it was refreshing to know. It wasn't serious. That was the real truth.

_'Not particularly. Although, it would be nice.' _I signed, setting down my drink on the floor first. I couldn't help but notice that the pale boy was watching me again.

"You people are impossible. And, let's not mentioned you already kissed once." I snorted in response. Eureka shot a glare in my direction before attempting to jump one of L's chips. She did a fist pump before he rolled his eyes and jumped the same piece she had just moved.

"More like twice. Or three times. Or four. Or five." L counted off on his fingers, almost mockingly. Eureka's eyes got more and more furious with every word he spoke until she finally snapped and flipped the checker board over towards him. The pieces flew off in a few different directions, even knocking over the small tower he had made of all the red chips he had claimed.

"Okay, you guys are now officially a couple whether you like it or not." She nearly yelled this. I covered my ears instinctively.

"Is she always like this?" He asked me. I shrugged, still with my hands over my ears. It wasn't helping at all as Eureka continued on her rant.

"Normal people don't just randomly kiss each other for no reason and then don't become a couple! This isn't some stupid romance novel, you guys are terrible at life!" I cocked my head.

"Who said we were normal people?" L stole my answer entirely. He shot a look over at me, and I wasn't quite sure how to read it. I took my hands off of my ears.

_'This sort of thing hasn't bothered either of us at all, why does it bother you?' _This was a stupid question to ask, but it needed to be.

"Because! You're creepy and no one else will ever love you. And you're mute and few people are going to understand sign language. So you guys…just….make it happen, okay?" Eureka said all of this while waving her hands around in an odd way, trying to emphasize a point that made no sense.

"Why do people keep calling me creepy? Is there something weird about my hair or something?" His voice was simple drowning in sarcasm, but she didn't seem to notice at all.

"Who cares? You guys are a couple now. Now. Both of you kiss. Right now." I scooted away from both of them. L seemed equally uncomfortable.

"That's alright….I'm good over here." He growled the words, almost. Eureka looked like she might slap him if he said something else like that.

_'Are you ever going to clean up the checkers?'_ I signed, eager to change the topic off of my own love life. Eureka, however, didn't seem too keen on falling for that.

"Not until you guys kiss. I'll even cover my eyes, just in case." With a wink, she raised her hands to cover up her eyes, but I saw her peeking through her fingers.

_'How do I sign this? Oh, right.'_ I stuck up my middle finger, aware that she could see it. All she did was laugh and cover up her eyes again. L was completely still, awkwardly sitting down and shifting his feet.

"I'm serious about the kissing thing, though." Sighing, I moved so I could walk on my knees and moved the five feet or so across the floor to L and kissed his cheek. His face turned a slight pink, but it wasn't very visible.

"Don't encourage her." He muttered and moved away from me. I looked over at my friend who was no longer covering her eyes and now shaking her head disappointedly.

"Aww, the stalker is shy. And that is NOT a kiss, no wonder you didn't make a big deal out of this." She folded her arms.

"I'm not a stalker." L growled at her again. Snickering a bit at this, Eureka continued to cover her eyes back up.

"Try again." She seemed too determined about this. I sighed and leaned towards L again. He glared at me, then at Eureka, but reluctantly he kissed me softly, not even for half a second.

"Happy now?" He asked with a voice like poison. Eureka was still peeking through her fingers, and I could hear her laughing already.

"Not as happy as Am, obviously." Realizing that I was smiling, I covered up my mouth with both hands and shifted away from him, face burning with embarrassment. Eureka started laughing again, making me even more uncomfortable.  
"Now, L. Why don't you just admit your feelings for Amethyst and we can get this all out of the way now." He stared at her motionlessly, and from the look in his dark eyes, he seemed to be wondering how long it would take to kill her. I waited until I stopped smiling to remove my hands.

"Because that would require me to have other feelings besides the ones I told her." He stated simply, with an added glance in my direction.

"You know what, I'm done. You guys are dating now, and you have to deal with it whether you like it or not. Now, who wants tea?" Eureka stood up and kicked the checker board over the spilled pieces before moving to the kitchen, leaving me and the pale boy locked in an awkward silence. I hoped he wasn't just going to accept something like this. But then again, I sort of wished he would be okay with it. It was a lot easier if we were forced together than to actually admit I had any sort of emotion towards this boy. Somehow, this was easier. A lot more awkward, but definitely easier.


	26. Chapter 25: Past

Author's Note:  
I am going on a huge writing binge this weekend, so I'll already have at least ten chapters written out come Monday, but all I need to do is spread out the time in which I post them. I could post them all at once and get a few days off, but that's just cruel. Also, this is random, but I'm just checking to make sure that I managed to get L in character. I mean, this story is set in the past, but he's not that different.  
Anyways, just remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed :D :D  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

My emotions escalated every time I saw him. It was involuntary. I couldn't control it. In all honesty, the thing that I kept remembering the most was not the taste of his kiss, or how he looked, or things like that. No. It was the way he talked. The way he spoke so confidently, so perfectly, so calmly. Words are stronger than anything in the world, and he had to have known this. It was just so obvious to me. Maybe it was because I couldn't speak that I found so much meaning in sound.

I lay in my bed, curled up and facing the ceiling, not even bothering to try and sleep, although today had slipped away from me too fast. Eureka had probably gone back to her own house by now, I hadn't been keeping track of where my friend went. It was always her walking around at all hours of the day. Annoying. But better than being alone. So. I was alone, thinking about someone. Someone who I couldn't stop thinking about. He just wouldn't leave me alone, and there was nothing I could do about that. Inside my mind, well, he didn't leave there either.

Words are incredible, even more so when he speaks them. I smiled to myself just thinking about it. So this is love, huh? When you can't stop thinking about someone. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe I'm just hallucinating this person that no one else can see. No, that didn't make sense. My eyes fluttered down to look at my toes, which moved on cue. I was definitely awake. It wasn't a dream.

Although, if it was a dream, I probably would have been kissed a lot more than I had been. If it was a dream, things might have been different. How long had it been since I last tested the choices I'd make? How long had it been since I chose between life and death? I didn't even remember, it felt so far away.

All because of him. Him and his dark eyes and pale skin. In my mind, there was no better example of an angel. Skin like ivory, eyes like coal, and a voice that was deep and dead. How strange that this was what came to mind when I thought of angels. Him. If he had wings, the image would be perfect. Now that I thought about it, his shoulders were a bit wide, maybe he did have wings. Mentally, I slapped myself, too tired to actually do it. People don't have wings. But he might. If he was human, he might not.

And then came the mental image of L with angel wings. I quite liked the thought, actually, that he might be an angel. Or maybe a damned one. Maybe he had wings once. No. Now I was thinking up stupid fantasies that were nowhere even close to logical at all. Well, that was what late hours were for. That and sleep. Sleep was completely irrelevant though.

I let out a sigh. This was exhausting, running in circles every time I saw him. The cycle just kept going on and on. He'd leave for a while, and I'd be fine. Be that as it may, by the time he would come back around, usually a day or two later, it would just make me go flustered and get embarrassed and I wouldn't be able to concentrate.

Then there was the whole thing out on that bench by the bus stop. It wasn't a big deal, but it felt like he had admitted to being in love with me. It honestly did. People just don't admit things like that, so I had probably been imagining things again. In fact, that was most likely to be true. Yet, there was something I didn't tell him, mostly because I didn't even remember it until he brought it up.

I remembered that day at the bus stop. It took me weeks to finally find one, but a book store on the other side of town had found another copy of Aesop's Fables and I had Eureka speak to the owner's on the phone. They even agreed to negotiate a price with me. So I had brought my own copy to read on the way over, my beat up white cover book with a blue tape binding. It was foggy that day, but I kept reading. That was one of the few times I was really happy, but when I looked up from my book for a split second, I noticed a boy staring at me. The only thing I really remembered about him was his curious stare. Nothing else. Nothing about the way he looked or acted, just that he was watching me with these big innocent eyes. I had just looked back down at my book and smiled. Then the bus came and I didn't see him sense.

So. It really had been him. It didn't make sense at all, that he remembered me. But, what with my hair, how could one not remember me? I stood out too much, and he blended away with all the smudges of gray out there in the world. But now that I saw him completely, I noticed something. Those eyes were not innocent. They were gorgeous, incredible, but also dead inside. He was hiding from life, and I wasn't sure why. If he was going to force me to live, I needed to know why.

The last thing on my mind before I gave up on the conscious world was that image of him in angel's wings again, but this time I was pleased with the image. The one who forced me to live, the one who wanted me alive, the one who valued my existence. That was the kind of person everyone needed in their lives. Just someone to love.


	27. Chapter 26: Past

Author's Note:  
So, me and a friend (sarcasimwizardofsarcasim) are talking about doing a BBxOC fanfic together. Would anyone out there be interested in reading it once I get done with Empty Voices or over on her account?  
Anyways, just remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed, as my epic writing spree continues! :D :D  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

It had been over a week since Eureka had let me go back to headquarters, but I forced her to let me this time. She argued and argued, but by the time she initially gave up, I was already out the door. I heard her groan and follow me, out into the harsh sunlight. Fighting the urge to hiss at it like some kind of demon, I covered my face with my hands.

"Yeah, that's what you get for not listening." She snorted and stared pulling my arm down the side walk, like I was some kind of animal. I rolled my eyes and followed her.

"Hey, so, don't get mad or anything, but I invited L out for lunch later today. Took so long to get him to agree, but you guys really need to just hang out more. You deserve happiness, my child." Eureka said it mockingly, barely aware that she was leading me the wrong way. The one thing that really bothered me was how she kept insisting on this.

_'And let me guess, you'll be joining us as well?'_ It took me longer than I would have thought to spell that all with one hand. Halfway through I had yawned, so that might have had something to do with it. But, my friend still chuckled and released my other arm finally, turning me around a corner first.

"Of course I'm coming. What, you think I'd let you go on a date with a rapist alone? Nah, of course I'm coming. Plus, I know where it is that this date is taking place, and guess what, you don't." Her logic just couldn't be argued with. What really bothered me was the fact that she still insisted on calling L a rapist. Sure, he was a bit odd and had made a hobby out of intensively researching people, but that didn't make him a criminal. That description sounded a bit too much like me, and I snorted, both from amusement at that thought and at my friend who was now skipping down the empty sidewalk.

"You know, if he'd dress differently, I might think he was kinda hot, but he's just so creepy and I can't get past that." Eureka continued on her rant again, completely unaware that I had stopped walking and she had almost completely left me behind. After a second, she noticed, and my blonde friend scampered back and grabbed my arm again.

"I'm not just gonna leave you on the street. Nope. Not happening." She kept walking again, now dragging me behind her.

It took way longer than it should have to get to our headquarters, mostly because Eureka kept walking the wrong way and then blaming it on the fact that she'd never been on that side of town, when I knew for a fact that it had. The sun was brighter than it had been in days, beating down on my head until I pulled up my hood to block out the light. An action to which Eureka responded by comparing me to a vampire. Instead of coming up with some clever counter attack, I shrugged and started messing with a strand of teal hair that insisted on sitting out of place above the ear.  
On the steps, Eureka forced me up, my legs refusing to make the long climb. I kept acting as though I might faint, blaming it on the heat, but my friend saw through the act and made me keep walking. There was no one at the front desk, but then again it didn't matter.

At the top floor, Eureka nearly crashed down onto her cushioned chair, leaving me rolling my eyes and picking out a sofa to fall over on. This room was the biggest, the only one on this floor, and to me it served as a break room, mostly filled with furniture and rugs. Nicola was in charge of decorating, so every possible seat was what and everything else was a cocoa brown color. But the room was also used to discuss important topics, so I kept questioning why my friend had dragged me here.

"So. About you and L." She began and I questioned whether or not lighting myself on fire would be a good way to avoid this conversation.

"When he said you two kissed, was he being serious? I mean, it doesn't matter, but I'm curious." I glanced across the room to see her sprawled on, lying upside down on her chair. How she had managed to do that in such a short amount of time, I didn't even know. Her blonde hair swept across a small area of the floor whenever she talked, and her smile was much too large to be normal. I groaned and sat up.

_'Yes, but like you said, it doesn't matter. Just let it go.' _I signed before crossing my arms. Eureka's face was starting to turn a light shade of red.

"I refuse to do such a thing until I know why. Why would he kiss you? Not that you aren't awesome, but that's kinda random don't you think?" Was our conversation really limited to this topic? Maybe lighting myself on fire was a better idea.

_'Don't we have something better to talk about?' _Eureka snorted and shook her head. Her face was already bright red.

"Well, since your near death experience, you've been acting different. Happier almost. And I'm happy for you, but I need to know if it's him who's making you happy. Because if he's not, I might just kill him in his sleep." Leave it to Eureka to turn into on overprotective mother when things got rough. I could always count on her there.

_'Fine, I actually kissed him first, okay?' _And then followed the laughter. My blonde friend did her best to get back up to a normal sitting position, but managed to fall over onto the floor, all the color draining from her face as she tried to get a decent response out.

"Wait. So you're the one who I should be concerned about? That's helpful, you just do whatever you want, okay?" She laughed a little bit more, still on the floor and doing her best to breathe.

_'What are you laughing at?'_ I joined her in laughing, mostly since her laugh was hilarious and sounded like a cross between some kind of monster and a seal, but no better than my own.

"I'm not sure, can't I just laugh at myself for a while?" She asked sarcastically, waving her hands around like it was a big deal. All I did was shrug and roll my eyes. There was really nothing I could say that would change the fact that neither of us had anything left to talk about besides the fact that she had been so easily convinced that I would have never kissed a guy.

Why was that so difficult to believe? Yeah, I was a little shy, but that didn't mean anything. Even the shyest people do bold things when needed. Not that it had been needed. It just felt that way to me at the time. Then again, so did everything else at the time. I watched her laugh for a minute before she managed to get back up into her chair, acting like nothing had happened at all. Rolling my eyes for the third time already, I stood up and moved across the room to go downstairs and hunt for something to eat. Even if Eureka was going to force me to go out with L, that didn't mean I couldn't eat anything. Right? I thought so.


	28. Chapter 27: Past

Author's Note:  
A mental note for future reference; writing a scene you have no idea to continue is going to affect how you write for the next month or so. I apologize for this *hangs head in shame*  
But I have decided to jut allude around what I was leading up to in the last chapter since I cant seem to get a good start on writing L in a public place. I just can't do it. It's like a mental block. Not that I think he wouldn't do it, but my mind physically won't let me write it. So….YEAH  
Please remember to leave a review if you read and enjoyed :D :D  
And to all the reviews left; Thank you for taking the time out of your lives to actually read this and leave a review ;~; It means a lot. It really does.  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

_The light breaks into the silent room. It's small, where I am today, nothing in here but a window which the sunlight peers through to see me, and a chair that I sit it. I'm not quite the same as I thought, face hollowed with years that must have passed to get here. The warm light brushes across my body, and my eyes close in sync with it. Everything moves in slow motion, even the movement of my breathing. It's so slow, so paced, and so empty. _

_I don't look how I imagined myself. It's nothing really, to think about how you look. I seem to be unaware of what's happening, like everything else is so out of touch. My thoughts race, but nothing moves. It's a deep trance my body is in. it's not my body. It just can't be. My hair is silver, not its usual multi-colored beauty. It's a deep silver, too. Almost platinum, not gray with age. A deep, deep platinum. This isn't my hair. It can't be. My arms are weak and can barely lift themselves, even with the reduced movement. These aren't mine. This world can't be real. My clothes are a light gray fabric that compliments my eyes, a sweet tone of gray that could be mistaken for brown or beige, but it's a simple tone that looks the best. _

_There is a child on my lap. A small boy. His clothes are much too big for him, but yet they suit him so well it would be a crime to even attempt to make him wear something else. And his hair matches mine, but his face is smooth and soft, he's can't be more than four years old. He's asleep, and his body curls inwards towards mine, seeking comfort from me. My eyes stay fixed on the child, watching him as his eyes flicker upwards to me, his eyes are open now. They are dark eyes, dark eyes that I recognize. Eyes that I know that I just can't place for the life of me. But they are gray-ish green, like my own, wide like an owls and intense with intelligence and emotion. The boy's breathing is shaking, but his face is blank._

_"Mom…" His voice is so weak, so frail. I wouldn't have ever thought someone so young could speak in such a fashion. I find myself nodding in response to him. My hand moves to the top of his head, silently. And he does not move away from my touch. If I was a child, I would fear to let another person near me. But he doesn't mind it at all. My mouth opens without my request. I shouldn't be speaking. _

_"Did you have a bad dream?" Internally, I am screaming and crying at the sound of my voice. I don't remember how I would have sounded before, but here I speak with such ease and grace. My voice is melodic, enchanting and sweet. Almost like a singers, it's pure and untouched, gracious and forever burning at my throat. I wish I could hate it and go back to signing, but this child can't possibly know sign language at all._

_"I dreamt about who my dad might be. Who is my father?" What kind of question was that? I open my mouth instinctively to answer, but find I cannot speak a single name. Is it that I don't know? The light in the room suddenly goes dull, the sunlight suddenly dies around me, disturbing this piece I felt. The child's eyes are staring at me, boring into the darkest parts of my mind, waiting for an answer. An answer that I cannot give. _

_In a flash, it's all gone, the serene walls, the little boy, and the flashes of light that warmed my soul. And, once more, I am in lonely shadows. It's not difficult to remember. But now everything moves so quickly without my consent, everything I need is not here. I am sitting in dark robes, my hair a sudden mess of colors like it always was, my voice unheard and nonexistent. Do I exist? No. No, I do not. So I close my eyes and wait for it all to be over._

When I wake, I wake in silence. The dreams I'm used to are either conflicting or just disturbing. But I wasn't quite sure how to categorize that at all. It wasn't scary, it was mournful. I stared up at my ceiling, waiting for something to change. There was sunshine all round me. What time was it? I didn't know. I rolled over, searching for where I had placed my phone. It was on the floor next to my bed, so I reached down and grabbed it. Twelve unread messages. All from Eureka. Great.

The clock on my phone told me it was just after noon. A whole day almost wasted sleeping. But I felt calm. Calmer than I had been in such a long time.

**_Where are you? –E_**

**_Get up, it's Friday, come on, Am…. –E_**

**_Now is not the time for you to ignore me –E_**

It was difficult not to laugh at some of these, but others just sounded concerned. I wiped the memory of the messages clear, pretending I had not seen them. Time to go back to sleep. Not to dream, just to sleep. I'd had enough dreams to last a lifetime, so maybe a little uninterrupted sleep would be helpful, too. Life was exhausting, so was everything else.

Stupid eyes, stupid dream, stupid voice. No. I'm the stupid one, my mind was just trying to make me aware of it. I get it. I get it. I make horrible choices, so make the less obvious ones. Noted. Maybe now I could finally get some peace of mind if I figured this much out. If life was fair, that would be possible. So, for now, I'd wait for something else to come. Something or someone to cross into my life and change it.

_But that's already happened, hasn't it? All I can do now is wonder if he's thinking about me._


	29. Chapter 28: Past

Author's Note:  
This is completely random, but I keep all my stuff for this story on one Word Document, and I'm already up to 68 pages. ._. Should we have a party? I vote we have a party. Ugg, this chapter is so random and I should do better but I just had to post it. You might see why soon enough.  
Please remember to leave a review with any comments, advice, or just if you enjoyed this! :D :D  
Big thank yous to anyone still reading!  
*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then:**

"Am's in love with a creepy detective." Eureka doesn't just say this, she sang it. Over and over for days on end. It had begun to get a little annoying, but I let it slide. The only one who really seemed bothered by it at all was the detective in question. Honestly, I felt bad for him. Eureka had always done things like this, but every time she saw him there was either a threat or a comment about how cute she apparently thought he was for me. For the hundredth time today, she sends me a smug smile and repeats her line again.

L had been showing up a lot more often, usually at various places around the city, always tagging along with me. Almost like a dog, but a lot more disturbing and awkward. I found it adorable, but he was so calm about it. Every day, he'd wait somewhere that he knew I'd be, just so we could have a conversation. Nothing overly romantic. Although, we were both a bit on edge at the time. Headquarters was the only place where he truly seemed comfortable with me and with Eureka. He assured us that he was fine every time we asked, and had even taken a liking to a navy blue swivel chair Eureka had hauled up the stairs several months before after I had convinced her that our 'break room' needed more furniture than white couches and fluffy rugs that Nicola had chosen. L, on the other hand, did not care one bit about how badly the chair didn't fit with the room.  
Only after Eureka insisted that he stick around did he stay. It's not like I didn't want him to stay, I just had difficulty handling my thoughts when he was around. Typical. I was curled up on the couch in the break room, watching my friend try to build a tower out of cards. L, on the other hand, seemed more content on the floor, just in front of me, only about four feet away from Eureka and her poker cards, sitting in his strange hunched over state and watching as the cards fell over every few seconds. The circles under his eyes were getting much darker.

"Hey, Stalker, why don't you tell Am what you're thinking about? I can see written on your face." Eureka muttered, watching the playing cards flutter to the ground again. I sat up and watched the dark eyed detective snatch up and ace, the ace of hearts to be exact, and present it to me as if it was a gift. Eureka only smiled as if that was what she wanted. She was getting even more irritating than usual, and wasn't focusing on any of her jobs. But that last part was normal. Her current focus was making sure L and I were always in a close proximity. That, and she just loved to play Cupid. Even if that meant setting me up with strangers and people she knew I wouldn't like.

"Amethyst?" His monotone voice shook me out of my head. Eureka took the ace out of his hand and bent the card, trying to make another tower like the last four that had ultimately failed. My gaze flickered over to him, his eyes wide.

_'Need something?'_ I signed slowly.

"Every time I look at you, your face turns red. I just thought you should know." Feeling my face already burning after that, I looked down and hung my head, trying to decide whether or not to laugh. Eureka, on the other hand, snorted and knocked over her tower. L picked up the two of hearts this time and held it out to me.

"Wow, you two really do need my help. Be dramatic or some shit! Come on! You can do better with talking to each other." She nearly yelled it, passing me a glance that read; 'You know what I meant.'

"What I really need is something to eat, but all you people do is drink tea. How are you still alive?" L flipped the card back onto the rug, watching my blonde friend as she attempted to build another castle. She still couldn't make it past the first level.

"Amethyst eats ice cream." I shot her a glare, but she didn't seem to notice at all.

"Ice cream is good." And with that, they went back to watching Eureka fail at balancing poker cards again. I sighed, climbing down off the sofa so I could sit next to the dark haired boy. He didn't scoot away or even move this time, just looked over at me with those eyes again. Those incredible eyes. I fought back a desire to hit myself in the face for thinking like that. He shifts his feet a little bit so that it's easier to tilt his head to see me. I would have preferred it if he looked at something else.

"You guys are so cute. You should really stop acting like you aren't into each other." Immediately, both of us turn to glare at Eureka again. She put her hands up in mock surrender, moving around to sit down properly, knocking over the cards and wailing like a child.  
"I'm done! I'm done! You guys have fun, I'm gonna go somewhere else and attempt this at a different angle. But not too much fun, mmk, Mr. Stalker?" She pointed a suspicious finger at L while her other hand scoops all the cards into a pile. After a second she broke down into laughter and fell backwards, continuing to do some attempt at a flip that lands her on her feet. She almost looked like she was drunk, stumbling around for a moment before regaining her balance. I think it was the boots that caused it. Her and her combat boots. That there was true love, if anything.

"Amethyst, I understand that Eureka also works here, but could you please ask her to stop acting like I might kill you? It's been over a month since anyone attempted to kill you, if I wanted to I would have done it by now." L muttered under his breath, just loud enough for me to hear, but not loud enough for Eureka. I waved at my friend, catching her attention for a moment.

_'If anyone is in danger, I think it would be L. Considering that we know what he looks like. Honestly, I might be the one stalking him, not the other way around.'_ Eureka blinked and did her best not to laugh, picking up all of the cards. Except for the ace of hearts, which L had grabbed when she wasn't looking. She didn't seem to notice, moving around us to get to the table by the windows. A flat surface would be the ideal place to build something.

"Yeah, no. Sorry, Am." She took the chair that faced away from us, purposely winking at me and then glaring at L like he was made of poison. He hadn't seen it, and I was in no hurry to point it out.

"Here." He whispered, barely audible. L held out the ace of hearts in his hand, slightly bent, but I took it without even giving a response. If it was some kind of symbolism, I didn't quite get it.  
"As a token of my appreciation for sharing your story with me, I want to tell you mine. But not now. Just hold on to that, and when you want to hear it, I'll trade you. Can you keep that a secret?" I could see a faint trace of a smile, so I nodded, leaning over to plant a kiss on his cheek. He looked pretty embarrassed, so I moved myself a little bit away from him, letting my hair fall into my face to hide the redness that had already started spreading again.

"You have a black strand of hair." I felt his fingers touch the side of my head, toying with a clump of my hair that was just above my ear. "I'm not sure if I like it or not. It's less unique than the rest of you." He seemed to realize what he was doing, since he suddenly jerked away and scooted over a few feet. I rolled my eyes. This was as close as I was going to get for a while. An ace of hearts, and a real one that was just miserable.


	30. Chapter 29: Past

Author's Note:  
Okay, so it has been pointed out to me that some people can get kinda confused while reading this. I guess since I'm the author it all plays out in my head like an actual show…..  
Anyways, I kinda should explain myself. This story is one big flashback. Everything that Amethyst is talking about has already happened in the past. I guess it's kind of a flashback, but…. I don't know what I'm even doing…But something is happening in the present as well.  
So the prologue was what spiked this event. Yeah, I can see how it confused people…..sorry *hangs head in shame*  
Moving on, sorry to have not been posting as often, and I hope this clears everything up. No more jumping around without stating exactly what's happening and why.  
Please remember to leave a review with any tips, pointers, or anything you just wanna say (especially if you liked this)! :D :D

*dramatic pose*  
~Echo

* * *

**Then: **

"Is it story time already?" The sarcasm was more than heavy in his voice, but even so, he turned the poker card over twice and passed it back to me. I rolled my eyes and pick up my walking pace, not bothering to take the ace back. Only a few blocks to go.  
He offered to walk me home. How romantic, but he did. It was one of those things you couldn't deny, mostly because I was sure he would have followed me anyways. Although, I did want to be alone with him for a few minutes. It's not every day that this kind of thing would happen. Especially not to me. I glanced back over my shoulder at L, surprised that instead of being further behind, he was right next to me, with an almost idiotic smirk on his face. Immediately, I stop walking and he almost runs into me.

With a slight smile, I nodded at him. In all honesty, I had told him half of my own life. The rest was yet to come, and I assume he knew why I didn't fill in all the little details. Because there was nothing for me to say that he couldn't figure out himself. He blinked once or twice before stepping up next to me on the sidewalk and offering me his arm. What exactly was he expecting me to do? It was easier not to question it, it was easier to just play along. So I took his arm, and this must have made us look more like a couple then two complete strangers walking and talking on the street this late at night. L stood up a bit straighter so he could be taller than me, shifting a bit away from my touch but not resenting it at all.

"This is less suspicious. By the way, was that your real name at the bottom of the page?" He nearly whispered it, loud enough so I could hear, and no one else who might be passing by could. Slowly, I nodded a yes. Then came one of his disturbing yet somehow cute smiles.

"It's a beautiful name. And it suits you well, although Amethyst rings much clearer in my head than that." I took in a deep breath, looking down and gripping his arm tighter so he could see me blushing. He pulled an inch away, so I let go a bit. This made him relax and move closer to me. I shivered beneath my jacket, but he wasn't even looking at me.

"As for my name, I think I'll have to wait a while before I tell you that. But the rest. I can tell you that. And in exchange…" In exchange? Weren't my secrets enough for him? Aren't I enough? I could feel his gaze beating down on me, wide eyes full on confusion and knowing at the same time. L's expression was completely blank, still walking beside me, slowly, still watching me with those dark eyes of his. Those perfect eyes of his. Perfect? No. Not perfect.

"My story is much less eventful than yours, unfortunately. However, I happen to enjoy knowing about someone like you. You're incredibly interesting, and you don't even realize it at all. Me, on the other hand. Well. I am an orphan. No family, just me. And I was brought up at…an institution for people like me. Gifted, they called us. I'd rather be known as a mad genius. See, that just makes all the more sense to me. Although, a mad genius would be able to figure out why his mind suddenly stops working around a girl he barely knows." That last sentence was spoken a bit softer. His mind stopped working around a girl he barely knew. Was he…..talking about me? Most likely. This boy didn't strike me as the kind of person who would be open to meeting new people. Maybe on occasion, but not like normal people. He was just different. And I liked it. I shouldn't have. But I did. Just a little ways to my home. Just a little bit longer to walk with him underneath the lamplight on an empty city street.

"Of course, if you're wondering how I learned to understand sign language, there were a number of deaf children at this….institution." I noticed he kept pausing before that word. Like there was something he didn't want to share. I wouldn't pester him about it, but it was beginning to make me wonder.  
"They were like the rest of us. Very intelligent. But disabled. So I learnt to speak with them. They were very kind to me." His eyes flickered back over to me, making my face flush with red again. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Then he turned back forwards and stopped walking.

"I suppose we're here." L muttered softly. He was right. My house, even in the dark, stood out a bit. Black chain fence with no gate, three stairs leading up to the door, yet somehow smaller looking than all the others in that area, somehow so different. Somehow. I let go of his arm and started walking forwards towards the door before turning back around. His deep eyes were still fixed on me, still watching me. I sighed before moving back towards him. He had no immediate reaction to me standing in front of him.

_'Night.' _I signed the word before leaning towards him and kissing him swiftly on the lips. He didn't recoil this time, he didn't freeze. He just allowed it. When I pulled back not even a second later, I was met with his hand moving to my chin and directing it back upwards so our lips could meet again. This came as complete shock to me, even with what was so fixed in my memory from the last time we had spoken alone, but I could see his eyes were close, so I let my own shut as well. My hands moved up to his shoulders, pulling him down a little towards me. His own hands stayed on my chin, most likely not wanting to mess this up again. L pulled back first, eyes scanning my face for some kind of reaction.

"Until next time." He whispered before moving away from me and going back in the direction we had come from. My heart felt like it had melted inside my chest. It felt almost like the entire world had gone hazy around me as I stepped towards my house, up the stairs to the door, fumbling with my jacket pockets to find the key and open the door. As soon as I moved inside and shut the door, I nearly collapsed behind it, sinking down onto the floor with the stupidest grin I could possibly imagine on my face.

I'm such an idiot. A happy, happy idiot.


End file.
